


Seeing Triple

by maychorian



Series: Seeing Triple [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Clones as Family, Families of Choice, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-05-30 23:38:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maychorian/pseuds/maychorian
Summary: After returning from destroying as many of Haggar's labs as he could find, Shiro's clone, now named Ryou, begins to reconnect to life aboard the Castle of Lions, as well as learning what it means to have a brother in Takashi Shirogane. Before they have a chance to settle in, though, the two of them discover something astonishing: They have another surviving clone-slash-brother, and this one isn't quite as easy to get along with.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The end of Season 6 broke my heart, and this is how I choose to fix it. "Hugs for all Shiro clones" is my new motto, so you can expect a lot of that going on, but other than that rather simple desire I don't have much of a plan here. I'm just writing this because I have to.

It was a long, strange, exhausting day. Ryou had gone through so many emotions, from terror to relief, from despair to joy, that he barely knew what he was feeling anymore. He'd smiled so much his face hurt, cried so much that he felt entirely empty, and still the day wasn't over.

Ryou... Because yes, his name was Ryou. Among many other things, he and Takashi, the real Takashi, had talked about what name he ought to have. They both remembered the imaginary friend Takashi had had when he was tiny, and now Ryou had his name. 

"Better than any imaginary friend, though," Takashi had said, beaming with tears his eyes. "A brother instead. I will curse Haggar for the rest of my life for everything she did to us, but she gave me a little brother, and that makes up for at least some of it."

Not that Haggar had meant to do that, of course. She'd meant for Ryou to be her spy in Voltron's ranks and eventually use him to destroy them. But something had gone wrong. He was supposed to be a bomb, but his fuse got cut at some point. After a couple dozen tests and combing through all the information Ryou had brought back from the labs, Pidge and Hunk and Coran thought it had happened during the incident at Naxcella. Probably when Allura infused Voltron with white quintessence. Something about that had interrupted Haggar's connection with Ryou.

The white quintessence had slipped in, like putty filling a crack. Now, the crack was closed, healed over, and Haggar couldn't get in anymore. They were all sure of it, Allura especially, and Ryou was finally starting to believe it, too. He really was free. He was his own person, and he was accepted and wanted, part of the team, never to leave again.

"I'm sorry you had to do that alone," Takashi said. They were draped over a couch in one of the lounges, both of them exhausted but unable to sleep yet. They still had so much to talk about. Most of the rest of the team had gone to bed, so it was just the two of them.

Ryou was curled on his side, his limbs flopped over the edge of the couch. He felt like a teenager again, letting his limbs lay loosely wherever they'd fallen. His head was near Takashi's thigh, and Takashi kept reaching down to touch his hair, like he still couldn't believe it was there, that Ryou existed.

That was fine. Ryou wasn't sure he believed it yet, either.

Ryou wobbled his head in negation, staring blankly across the room. "It felt good. Going to all of Haggar's labs and little dens and tearing them apart from the inside... It felt right. She made me to destroy Voltron, but I got away and destroyed her instead. I was the cancer she created, turning on my creator. If there's some sort of cosmic justice in the universe, I got to serve it."

Takashi snorted and swiped his fingers through Ryou's hair. Takashi's hair was pure white now, changed by the quintessence field in his travels between realities, and he found Ryou's little tuft of white hilariously fascinating. "That's poetic. I didn't know you were a wordsmith."

The corner of Ryou's mouth turned up. "I had a lot of time by myself, thinking about it. I bet you could come up with cool metaphors, too, if you tried."

Takashi shook his head slowly. "No, I'll leave that to you." He was quiet for a moment, his fingers stilling in Ryou's hair. "I think...it would be good for you to be different from me. As much as you can be. As much you want to be. If you want to be creative and poetic, go for it. I promise I'll always be delighted and awed by anything you create."

"Going for mom instead of big brother?" Ryou turned over on his back and smiled up into Takashi's face.

Takashi smiled down at him, soft and warm. "Whatever it takes. Whatever you need."

He started playing with Ryou's white tuft again. Ryou closed his eyes with a sigh. It was weird, but he couldn't deny that it felt good, being coddled by someone. He'd been alone for a long time on his solitary quest to destroy Haggar's work. He hadn't realized how much he’d missed being touched.

But of course Takashi knew that Ryou needed the contact, because they were almost the same person. He knew that Ryou had been desperately lonely and afraid, and he needed to be reminded that things were okay. And he knew that Ryou wouldn't be able to accept this kind of petting from anyone else on the team, not just yet. But from Takashi, the person he knew almost as well as he knew himself... Yes. He could accept it from him.

Vice versa was also true, Ryou was sure. He made a mental note to remember that in the future. Right now Takashi was much the stronger and steadier of the two of them, since his adventures in the other reality had been more on the fun and interesting side rather than the horrific and soul-searing side. Takashi had optimism and strength radiating from him in waves, and he had plenty to spare for his clone-slash-younger-brother.

But that wouldn't always hold true, Ryou knew. Sooner or later, Shiro was gonna have a bad day. His arm would start hurting, or the stress of leading a group of teenage militants would get to him, or he would have a nightmare or a flashback or just start thinking too much about how much work he had to do, how many people he needed to save... And then it would be Ryou's turn to return the favor.

"Is there...?" Ryou cleared his throat, and Takashi looked down at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. Ryou flushed and looked away. "Is there a reason that you accepted me so easily? I..." He laughed, not a little bitterly. "I had a hard time accepting myself, after all, and you... You were eager to meet me. Like you'd been waiting for it, wanting it, but there was no way you could have known I even existed. You jumped on the idea of me being your younger brother, and now you're..." He waved a hand vaguely in the area of where Shiro's fingers were still combing his fluff. "You're very protective of me, that's all. It's the last thing I expected."

"Is there a reason?" Shiro sounded mystified. Then his fingers went still for a moment, and he stared off into the distance. "Huh. Well, come to think of it, I guess there might be an answer. Sort of."

Ryou stared up at him, trying to encourage him with his eyes.

Shiro smiled down into his face. "The alternate reality I went to... It's nicer than this one. Nicer than the one the others went to earlier with the comet, too. The Galra and the Alteans were still at war, but Altea hadn't been destroyed, and the forces had been more or less equal for the last ten thousand years. There was an ongoing border dispute, but each side had territories that were solidly protected and stable enough to thrive. And Earth... Earth was in Altea's protected zone."

Ryou's eyes widened. Shiro chuckled. "Yeah. I saw another version of myself. He was...just a kid. Never got captured by the Galra. He joined the military, Altea's military, because I'm guessing that every version of Takashi Shirogane wants to see the stars. We ran into each other while I was over there talking with the Altean higher-ups about what my universe was like, brainstorming ways to protect the trans-reality rifts. 

"It's really, really weird to see another version of yourself. I guess I don't have to explain to you what that feels like. But that guy was just so young, so bright-eyed, so determined to be a hero. He was naive and noble, and I felt incredibly, intensely protective of him. It's hard to describe. I knew he was going to go through a lot of rough stuff, choosing to be in an intergalactic war the way he’d done, but I hoped that he wouldn't go through even _close_ to as much as I had. I would have done anything to prevent such things. I would have given my right arm, if it wasn't already taken from me."

Ryou's eyes watered, and he closed them. Takashi brushed his fingers through his hair. His voice was soft and lilting, like he was telling a bedtime story.

"So when I found the rift and got to talk to our crew again, and I heard that you existed, and about how you'd gone to fight Haggar on your own... I felt the same thing. And I also felt this huge, enormous...sadness. Because it was already too late. Not only had you been given my memories, but you went out and made more of your own, and they were all _horrible._ What you've gone through..." Takashi tsked and shook his head. His hand pressed down on Ryou's forehead almost too hard. "Yeah. To me, you're a kid. You're only what, like, a year old? In actual years. But you've suffered enough for fifty of us."

Ryou didn't argue. He couldn't.

Shiro huffed a short, painful laugh and patted his head. "Yep. You're my younger brother now, and I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you ever again. That's just the way it is. I hope you don't mind."

Ryou let out a shuddery breath. Takashi let his hand rest heavily in his hair, and for a moment they sat there and listened to each other breathe. Ryou felt weighed down, but in a comfortable way. He could feel sleep coming on, warm and gentle, but he didn’t want to move yet and go back to his room. He wasn’t sure he had a room, for one thing, and he didn’t want to spend the energy to find out.

Takashi shifted, his leg moving under Ryou's head, and Ryou forced himself back to something like wakefulness. He sensed that his brother was working up to something. 

"Would you tell me about it?" Takashi asked. Soft, so soft. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

"Tell you about what?" Ryou slurred, heavy with the weight of sleep.

"About what you found out there. In Haggar's labs and secret stashes." There was a moment like Shiro was biting his lip. "Not all of it, if you don't want to. But some of it, if you can. I don't know, I just...I feel like I ought to know."

Ryou opened his eyes and stared across the room, painfully awake now. He didn't want to talk about it. Not now, not never.

But Takashi was right. He should know. It was about him, after all. He had a right to know what Haggar had done with his DNA.

"I don't..." Ryou drew another shuddery breath and curled up, tucking his hands under his cheek. "I don't know what to say. It was all... It was all horrible. I can't really pick out the details."

Takashi hummed thoughtfully and stroked his hair. "Tell me..." And his voice was still soft, but there was a ring of command in it, too. For once, Ryou understood why the other paladins followed him, followed Shiro, so easily. "Tell me about the worst thing. That will do for starters."

Ryou blinked and rolled his head to look up at him, eyebrows raised. "The worst thing? You want to jump straight to the very, very worst thing of a huge pile of nightmares?"

Takashi hesitated for a bare second, then nodded. "Yeah. Then at least I'll know... Anything else you have to say, anything else you went through, won't be as bad as that."

"Huh." Ryou rolled back over and stared at the wall. Takashi's fingers combed through his hair, over and over again. He thought about watching himself die, watching his own face struggling to breathe, mangled beyond repair or deformed from improper growth, infantile movements in grown limbs, hearts that didn't beat and tongues that couldn't speak. Even as his mind wandered from horror to horror, though, he already knew what the answer would be. He knew what the worst part had been of that entire sickening descent into the designs of an intelligent monster who used sentient beings as the building blocks for her experiments.

"There was... I found a lot of clones who weren't viable. Watched a lot of them die. But the worst thing was actually when I found a clone who _was_ viable. He had all of his limbs, he could move and talk, he could function. He was sentient, and he had a personality. But it was like Haggar got stuck partway through. He didn't have any of our memories, didn't even know when he saw me that we looked alike. He was combative and aggressive, just wanted to fight. She had made him to be a weapon, and she was keeping him for later, it felt like. He was stuck in a cell, chained to a wall and yelling when I found him, yelling to be set free, to be allowed to fight. His wrists were bloody and raw from pulling at his cuffs, and he looked like a madman."

Ryou shuddered. Takashi petted his hair. Ryou went on.

"He looked like a madman, but he also looked...like me. I recognized myself there. You would have too. He wasn't civilized. He was savage. But he was still me. He was the savage self."

"That must have been hard to confront," Takashi murmured.

Ryou shook his head. "That wasn't the worst part, though. I was happy to find him. Happy to be able to rescue one of us, after all of the ones I was too late for. We almost made it, too. We were escaping, fighting our way out. He fought at my back, and he was the best battle partner I could imagine. He laughed, and it was horrifying, in a way, but it was also...satisfying. It made my heart race to hear him, to stand beside him. And then..."

He sighed. "He didn't make it out. The savage self. When he met me, he asked if we were enemies, and when I said no, he promised not to fight me. That was how he saw the world, just enemy and non-enemy. But at the end, when we were just steps away from freedom, he took a shot meant for me, and he fell. I killed the Galra who did it, but I was too late. Again. I held him in my arms and asked him why he did it, and he said..." Ryou breathed in, then out again, his chest shaking, his hands clenched into trembling fists. "He said he didn't want me to die. Said he'd never had a friend before. And then he was gone, just like that."

They were quiet. Ryou lay there, feeling exhausted and wrung out, but somehow wired. The cozy feeling of hanging out with Takashi had faded, and he felt a restless need to go somewhere and do something, even though he also felt too tired to move. Takashi's hand was still, his palm lying flat over the side of Ryou's head. The weight was comforting, but it wasn't enough.

Ryou blinked and sniffed, hard, only then realizing that his eyes were wet and his throat hurt from trying not to cry. He had cried so much already today. He'd thought he was done.

Takashi murmured something, but Ryou couldn't quite make it out. He shook his head roughly, then sat up, dislodging Takashi's hand. He swiped at his eyes and face, mostly ineffectively, then gave Takashi a shaky smile. "Can I...can I show you?"

Takashi blinked. "Show me?"

Ryou nodded, then pushed himself to his feet and offered Takashi a hand up. "The shuttle. In the hangar. I didn't unpack."

Takashi's face lengthened in dismay, but he took Ryou's hand and let him pull him to his feet. They made their way down to the hangars, and Ryou explained as they walked.

"Whenever I had a chance... Whenever there was a body, some sort of remains, and I didn't have to run away to avoid being caught... I took them with me. Galra stasis pods can hover, so I used those. Sometimes it was a cargo container, or just a box, or... Whatever I could find. And then the next chance I got, the next system that seemed peaceful, as free of Galra influence as I could find... I'd let them go into the sun. It was the least I could do."

The pain was clear on Takashi's face, in the unhappy bow of his mouth. "And the savage clone?"

"I didn't have time yet. Or maybe... Maybe I was holding on for a different reason." Ryou chuckled painfully. "Didn't want to let him go. Couldn't bear it."

Takashi's hand fumbled to his shoulder and held on. Squeezed, almost too hard. Ryou gave him another shivery smile.

They reached the shuttle. Ryou hesitated, then stepped toward the small cargo hold in the back. He touched the panel, and it opened. There were a few boxes of rations, a bag with a couple changes of clothes... And a Galra stasis pod.

Ryou reached for it, pulled it out. Takashi stood frozen on the deck, staring, his hands limp at his sides. Ryou brought it over to him, the pod hovering between them. He reached over and wiped a shaking hand at the frost over the viewing panel. It melted under his fingers, and they could both see.

Their own face. Takashi's face, Ryou's face, still and slack as if in slumber, frozen in unending oblivion. That same scar across the nose they all shared, but this one's hair was dark, no streak of white. He looked young, unbearably young, too young for everything he'd suffered, too young to be gone. Ryou understood, intimately and completely, why Takashi had felt protective of his alternate self in the other universe.

Takashi leaned over, his head next to Ryou's, and stared down at the savage clone. He breathed short and hard. He couldn't take it for long. He leaned back, his face stretched in a grimace, his hands cluching at his chest.

"I didn't expect it to hurt so much," he said in a strangled voice.

Ryou looked at him miserably. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked this of you."

Takashi shook his head, sudden and vicious. "No. Stop that. Of course you should ask, of course you should... I need to see, too."

He leaned back over, but this time his eyes wandered, skittering away from the face of the clone inside the pod. His gaze fell on the readout below the viewing panel, and he stopped. A frown stole over his face, puzzled, the grief fading. "Ryou... Are you seeing this?"

Ryou blinked, then leaned over to look with him. That flashing light... But, it couldn't be, could it? He shook his head and stared closer, squinting. His heart started beating faster in his chest.

He straightened up, gaping at Takashi in something like awe, something like terror. "It... It couldn't be, could it? Maybe it's wrong, maybe..."

Takashi shook his head. "Maybe. But maybe it's right, maybe... We need to get Coran down here."

Ryou moved up to the head of the pod, staring through at the savage clone's face again. Hope surged in his chest, though he fought it. It would hurt too much if they were wrong, he wouldn't be able to bear it, but what if...?

Takashi reached out a hand slowly, reverently, and touched that tiny blinking light on the instrument panel. So small, so easy to miss. Maybe it was wrong, but maybe it meant…

"He's alive," Takashi breathed.

Maybe Ryou hadn't been too late after all.


	2. Chapter 2

It was decided that Ryou would be the only one in the room when the savage clone came out of the cryo-pod. They didn't know how "the new guy," as Lance kept calling him, was going to react to his new surroundings, and Ryou was the only person he knew of the group. If he came out swinging, Ryou would be able to subdue him, and if he came out confused or scared, he would trust Ryou to tell him the truth. At least, more than anyone else.

So Ryou was alone in the infirmary, standing in front of the pod with his arms crossed over his chest, his back straight and rigid, staring at the other clone's face behind the frosted glass. The others were just outside in the hallway, ready to jump in if he called for help. Or just said it was okay. Either way, they were ready, and Ryou was grateful for the back-up. But at this moment he was fundamentally alone, and he didn't much like it. He was able to keep himself from pacing, but only just.

Eventually, the waiting ended. The pod opened. The savage clone (they _had_ to give him a better name) stumbled forward with his eyes half-open, his limbs uncoordinated. Despite all his time to prepare, Ryou stood frozen for a moment. Should he grab him, try to hold him up? Or would that just scare him or startle him? Ryou was certain that no one had touched this person in kindness from the moment he was born until Ryou pulled his limp body into his arms, thinking he was dying.

So he spoke instead. "Hey, ototo." The word came out of his lips without thought. Japanese for "little brother." Ryou almost smiled to himself, but didn't have time. "Hey, are you okay? Do you recognize me?"

Ototo's eyes flashed up, meeting his and widening, just as his knees bent and he started to fall. Ryou jumped forward and got his shoulder under his arm, lifting him up, and his ototo didn't fight him. He sagged into Ryou's side, shivering a bit with reaction to the pod. Then he wrapped his arm around Ryou's shoulders. He seemed to have no aversion to being touched, and he wasn't fighting, either, for the moment. 

Instead, he looked around, taking in the room. Abruptly, he stiffened and pulled away from Ryou's side. His hands rose defensively, though they didn't curl into fists. His legs were strong enough to hold him up now, the post-cryo shakiness already gone. Maybe banished by a burst of adrenaline, judging by the way he held himself. "Is it exam time?"

"Exam time?" Ryou looked around and tried to see this room through his little brother's eyes. The space where they stood was almost empty, most of the pods retracted into the floor, but on the other side of the room were some cabinets and consoles with diagnostic equipment. Nothing looked like the labs on the Galra ships, all clean lines and Altean color schemes, but Ototo still seemed to recognize that he was in a medical facility. 

Ryou could only imagine that exams had been painful and invasive affairs in the kid's life up until now. He had probably never left that cell except to be tested and to fight. Ryou raised his hands, almost mirroring Ototo, but his fingers were spread, his posture open. He was leaving himself vulnerable to be hit and making no move to defend himself, and he could only hope that Ototo understood the universal surrender signal.

"No. No exam this time. This is a room of healing. You just got out of the healing pod." He gestured to the side, where Ototo's open pod still stood.

Ototo turned to look, then almost jumped away. His hands rose next to his face, his mouth wrenching in a snarl. "Holding tank?"

"No," Ryou said again. "Not a holding tank. I remember one of those, too. It's my first memory that belonged to me, being suspended in pink liquid, then falling to my knees when it drained away. That's not what this is. It's technology for healing. We just healed you. Do you remember being shot? Do you feel better now?"

Ototo blinked, then looked down at himself. He wasn't wearing the Galra prison uniform he'd been wearing when Ryou found him, but one of the Altean podsuits. He patted at his chest, then looked up at Ryou in confusion. "I thought I died."

Ryou smiled painfully. "I did too. But I was wrong. You're tougher than that. Coran thinks... He thinks Haggar might have done something, meddled with your cells somehow to make them more resilient. That shot _should_ have killed you, but it didn't. I'm really, really glad it didn't."

Ryou's vision blurred. He was crying again, though not as hard as last night. It was just tears, no sobbing. Ototo looked at him curiously, his face shifting and shimmering through the water, then moved forward. Ryou held still, not sure what he was going to do.

Ototo reached out and touched his cheek, then pulled back with damp fingers and stared at them. It was as if he'd never seen tears before. He looked back to Ryou's face. "Why are your eyes wet?"

"I'm sad," Ryou said. "I'm crying. These are tears."

"But nothing is wrong. Nothing is hurting you." Ototo reached out and touched his cheek again, almost tenderly. He smeared his fingers around like he was trying to get rid of the tears. 

"Sometimes memories hurt, too." Still, Ryou smiled. If he had needed any further proof that Ototo could grow beyond the machine of war he'd been created to be, he had it now.

"Don't cry, friend. It makes my chest hurt."

He had it in spades. Ryou gasped, and the tears kept coming, but they were happy now. "You remember that? You remember saying I was your friend?"

Ototo nodded and pulled back. He wiped his damp fingers on his shirt. "You're my friend. Not enemy. Ally. More than ally. I would rather die than watch you get hurt." He grimaced and wiped his fingers harder. "Tears are gross."

Ryou laughed and wiped at his face. The tears were starting to slow. "Sorry. I'm just... I'm really happy, now."

Ototo stared at him, his face still screwed up. "You said you were crying because you were sad. And now you're crying because you're happy?"

Ryou nodded. Ototo was a quick learner. Haggar had probably done that, too, but maybe it would make things easier.

The kid grimaced again. "Friend is weird."

"Ryou," he said. "My name is Ryou. We need to figure out a name for you, too, besides 'little brother.'"

Ototo tilted his head. "Name?"

"Um..." Ryou didn't know how to explain this one. "Designation? Something people call you to tell you apart from everyone else."

"Oh, designation." Ototo rattled off a string of letters and numbers that Ryou couldn't catch.

Horror drove away the last of the tears. Ryou raised his hands again, this time in negation. "No. Stop. That's not a name. It's a number." He felt a little sick, and Ototo seemed to be able to tell. He looked at him in concern, but didn't step closer, seeming to be warned off by Ryou's raised hands.

Ryou shook his head. "Never mind that. We can talk about that later. First, would you like to meet some people? You can learn more names. We all have them."

"...Meet?" Ototo asked slowly. "No fighting? No exam?"

"No." Ryou shook his head more vigorously. "Absolutely _no_ fighting. In fact, before I bring in anyone else, I need you to make me a promise, okay?"

Ototo stood up straight and looked at him earnestly. Waiting to receive orders.

Ryou's stomach twisted, but he put the command voice on. "No fighting any of the people we're about to meet, okay? Not even... Not even training, not for now."

He could only imagine that Ototo's fighting had all been deadly serious, no friendly sparring, not even any lessons. Knowing Haggar, he had been thrown into life-or-death situations from the beginning, just to see how he would do. He might be a quick learner, but it still might take time for him to understand that training was meant to be both non-lethal and non-damaging.

"In fact, don't fight anyone at all unless I give you permission. Will you promise me that?"

"Yes." But Ototo scowled and shifted his feet. "I like to fight, though."

"I promise that I'll show you safe things for you to fight as soon as possible. There's always the gladiator. And no one I'm about to introduce you to is going to examine you, either. You're not Haggar's pet anymore. You're my ototo. And you're Takashi's ototo, too."

The kid tilted his head, but Ryou knew he wouldn't be able to explain it in a way that made sense. He smiled and gestured for Ototo to stay where he was, then moved over to the door. He took a deep breath as he moved, but his steps were light.

As expected, Takashi was right there in his face when he opened the door, leaning forward as if he'd been trying to eavesdrop through a keyhole. Too bad the Castle of Lions didn't have keyholes. Ryou smiled as Takashi straightened up, looking at him anxiously. "You heard that?"

Takashi nodded. "Most of it."

Behind him, most of the crew was gathered around Pidge, sitting on the floor with her laptop. It was hooked up to the security feed inside the infirmary so the others could keep an eye on things while Ryou was in there alone with the savage clone. They had all looked up when Ryou had opened the door, of course, and Lance looked disappointed.

"We can't meet him yet?"

Ryou shook his head. "Just Takashi, for now. If that goes well I'll bring in the rest of you, okay? We don't want to overwhelm him. All he's ever known is people who control him and people he's supposed to fight, that's it. A bunch of new faces all at once will make him feel defensive and cornered."

Takashi looked at him earnestly. "Any tips on how to approach him? You've been doing great, so far. You must have picked up some techniques."

Ryou chewed his bottom lip. "Um, I would say don't move too fast, right? Keep your hands where he can see them, but not in fists. He's not stupid. He understands body language and facial expressions. If you're open to him, he'll understand that your intentions are friendly. Plus, you look exactly like me except the hair. That'll be worth some points."

Takashi laughed. It was good to know that he could make Takashi laugh. It was something they could teach their ototo together.

When he saw them both together, Ototo's eyes widened, and he stared from the one to the other. Takashi smiled, broad and unthreatening. "Hello, ototo. I'm Takashi."

Ototo looked to Ryou. "I don't understand."

"We're brothers." Ryou reached out and squeezed Takashi's shoulder. "Well, it's more complicated than that, but we can explain it later. You're our brother too. We're going to look after you. You're free now. No one is going to examine you, no one is going to make you fight, no one is going to chain you to a wall or lock you up in a cell. We won't let that happen. Does that sound good?"

Ototo stood still for a long moment, considering. It was the most serious Ryou had seen him. Then he looked into their faces and nodded. "I want to fight. But no exam and no cell is good. I like that." He looked at Takashi. "You're not my enemy?"

Takashi shook his head. "The farthest thing from it. No one here is your enemy. I hope you will consider me to be your friend, in time, the way you think of Ryou."

Ototo looked thoughtful again. "Maybe we should fight enemies together. That's how I knew Ryou was my friend. But Ryou said no fighting."

"Maybe later," Ryou said hastily. "For now, would you be willing to meet our other friends? And then we need to get you some clothes and food. And talk about a name."

Ototo nodded and patted his stomach. "Food is good."

"Takashi, will you get the door?"

One of the highlights of the day for Ryou was the way Ototo actually shrank into his side when the others came in, as if trying to hide behind him. Okay, it wasn't cool that the kid was scared, but it was undeniably cute, the way he instinctively relied on Ryou to protect him. It didn't take him long to get over his momentary fear, either, when the others came over, all smiles and waves, and started to introduce themselves. Takashi moved over to stand on Ototo's other side, and they flanked him like bodyguards while the others did their best to make friends with someone who had never had a friend before, from his perspective, about an hour ago.

"Welcome to the Castle of Lions, my boy! My name is Coran, and I'm delighted to have you here."

"Yes, we are all glad to have you. Any brother of Takashi and Ryou is welcome on this ship. I'm Allura."

"Dude, we're gonna have so much fun! We have so much to show you. The lions, the training deck, the pool, all sorts of stuff! I'm Lance, by the way, and this is Hunk, and the little one is Pidge. Ow! No punching, Pidge, we're trying to set a good example for the baby!"

Ototo watched with wide eyes as the youngest three paladins devolved into a shoving match. He even swayed forward like he wanted to join in, but glanced at Ryou and refrained. Ryou would have to tell him later that "no fighting" did not apply to friendly wrestling matches, once he was sure that Ototo understood what a friendly wrestling match was.

Keith was a little more stand-offish, but after the others had their say, he stepped forward and held out a hand. "Hi. I'm Keith. It's a little weird having three of you, for sure, but for what's it worth, I want to welcome you, too. This is a good place, and a good bunch of people..." He cast a side-eye at the squabbling trio. "...even if they can be a bit much at times."

Ototo stared at Keith's outstretched hand for a long moment, then tentatively reached out and touched it. Not a shake, just a touch. Keith looked confused, and Ryou choked back a laugh. "Hi. Keith. Not-enemy."

Keith's brow wrinkled further, then smoothed out. He nodded firmly. "Not-enemy. Friend. We're all friends here." He turned his hand and folded Ototo's into his gently but firmly, and showed him what a handshake was. "There. That's the meeting ritual. Now it's complete."

Ototo took his hand back and stared at it, then gave Keith a solemn nod. "Thank you for demonstrating."

It was also great when Takashi and Ryou took Ototo to get some clothes from the giant storage rooms in the lower decks, and he saw a mirror for the first time. He spent minutes on end standing in front of it, staring at himself in wonder, then at Ryou and Takashi on either side. He reached up to pat his hair, very carefully, then reached out and touched both of theirs too. Neither stepped away or gainsaid him. They smiled and leaned in so he could inspect it, instead.

Finally, he looked back at the mirror and placed his hand on the top of his head. "This is the only thing that's different. And the arm." He frowned at Ryou's metal arm, and Ryou remembered how he had complained about not having a short-range weapon to kill with. Well, that was one thing they were not going to be able to give their little brother. Everything else was fair game.

Takashi gently nudged his shoulder, making Ototo sway forward, then back. "Our builds are a little different, too." He flexed his arm, showing him the difference in the mirror as they stood side by side. "You're a little thinner than me and Ryou, not quite as bulked up. You haven't had as much time to lift weights. If you want to get big muscles, we can show you how."

Ototo copied Takashi, flexing and watching himself in the mirror, then shook his head. "Lean is good. Good for speed. I can still kill with guns and swords, and being fast means staying alive, lots of times."

Takashi looked sad, and Ryou knew that look was duplicated on his own face. But if Ototo didn't want to bulk up, that was perfectly fine. It was his choice.

Ototo wanted to wear black, though, like them. They found him some Altean clothes that looked a lot like a t-shirt and jeans, just cut slightly differently from current Earth fashions, as well as a stock of other necessities.

By the time they got back to the upper decks, Hunk had finished cooking up a huge meal, with the help of Lance and Coran. A "welcoming feast," he called it, with a big, sunny grin that Ototo returned, his stomach growling. They all sat around the dining table and dug in, surrounded by platters piled high with mouth-watering food of every color and description.

Actually, watching Ototo try Hunk's cooking for the first time might have been the best thing of all. The first bite was tentative. Every bite after that was not tentative at all. The way his eyes widened and sparkled at that first taste was like watching the sun come over the horizon for the first time. After that, it was like watching a teenager trying to devour everything in sight, grinning and laughing the whole time. Fortunately, Hunk had made plenty.

Having a little brother, Ryou decided, was going to be fun.


	3. Chapter 3

Eventually, Ototo stopped eating everything in sight and settled down to just nibbling on things that especially appealed to him, which seemed to be the most brightly colored items on the table. Pidge and Hunk were having a conversation about something deeply nerdy, Lance occasionally interjecting his opinions and trying to drag Keith into agreeing with him. Ototo watched and listened with interest. He had that look of longing on his face again, like when they were play-fighting. He wanted to join in but wasn't sure how, or if it was allowed. 

Ryou was overwhelmed, for a moment, at the thought of just how much his little brother had to learn. Social interaction was high on the list, but there was so much more. Did the guy even know how to read? Or did Haggar not bother to program that, since she made him only to be her weapon? 

Takashi reached over and grabbed his shoulder, and Ryou gave him a smile. He must have looked freaked out for that moment, and of course Takashi noticed. "It's fine," he said. "I'm fine."

 _One step at a time,_ he reminded himself. Ototo had a lot to learn, but he was clearly bright and interested in learning. He liked being around people and interacting with them, he just didn't know how yet. Everything would come in time.

Ryou cleared his throat, and Ototo's eyes flashed over to him instantly. Most of the others stopped their conversations and looked at him, too. All of the attention was a little overwhelming, but Ryou smiled tightly and bore it. This wasn't about him.

He nodded to Ototo. "You remember how I said we need to talk about a name for you? Now seems like a good time."

Ototo frowned and put down the thing he'd been chewing, something like a mini drumstick with a bright green sauce. "I already have a designation."

He started to rattle it off again, and Ryou shook his head. "That's not a name. That's a number Haggar assigned you. It's not personal. Names have meaning. They're passed down through families, or given out of affection, or chosen for a reason, even if that's just because you like the way it sounds." He put his hand on his chest. "My name is Ryou, because that name is meaningful to me and Takashi. He always wanted to have a friend named Ryou, so when I became a part of his life, he decided that I should have that name, and I agreed."

Lance had been nodding along, watching Ryou with interest. "What does it mean in Japanese, anyway? Just out of curiosity?"

Ryou smiled. His memory of Japanese was a little fuzzy, probably because it hadn't been important to Haggar when she put it in his head. But he remembered this one because it was important to Takashi. "It's a common personal name in Japan. Depending on the kanji, it can mean 'refreshing' or 'distant' or 'reality.'"

"Refreshing!" Lance seized on that with delight, grinning broadly. "Your name means 'cool!'"

Ryou laughed. "Yes, I suppose."

Takashi squeezed his shoulder. "Yeah, we'll go with that one. I like it."

Coran clapped in delight. "This is fun! I knew you Earthlings had a plethora of cultures across the face of your little sphere, primitive as you are, but I didn't realize that your names had meanings that weren't readily apparent." He looked at Lance. "What does your name mean, then?"

Lance grinned and opened his mouth, but shockingly, Ototo beat him to it. "I know that one. A lance is a weapon." He looked at Lance thoughtfully. "That's a cool name, too."

Ryou smiled softly. Ototo was already picking up their vocabulary. He wondered if it was too late to keep Keith from teaching him swear words.

Lance preened, but Ototo was looking at Ryou. "You already gave me a name, though. Like Takashi gave you Ryou. You called me Ototo."

Ryou winced. "That was more of...a placeholder. Or a nickname. It means 'little brother,' because that's what you are."

Allura cooed, then clapped her hand over her mouth. Hunk looked doe-eyed, too, and even Pidge was grinning. Coran muttered something about Earthlings being 'cute,' and really, it was too much.

Ryou's face was red now, but why should it be? It was just the truth.

Ototo stared at him frankly, just absorbing the new information. "What's a nickname? How is it different than a regular name?"

Takashi took over, since Ryou couldn't talk. "You remember how Ryou said names could be given out of affection? That's what a nickname is. It's like an extra name that your friends or family call you. It doesn't replace your normal name, though. My full name is Takashi Shirogane, but many people call me Shiro for short. That's a nickname." He pointed around the table. "Pidge's real name is Katie. Her brother started calling her Pidge out of affection when she was little, and she decided to use that name when she had to leave home, and now we all get to call her that."

Pidge waved cheerfully, and Hunk raised his hand, too. "My real name is Tsuyoshi. Practically no one calls me that, though." Even Lance blinked at him in surprise.

Ototo barely gave them a glance, preferring to stare fixedly at Ryou and Takashi. It was somewhat disconcerting. "So you called me Ototo out of affection?"

Ryou nodded, and Takashi smiled. Ototo looked thoughtful. "What's the word for 'big brother' in Japanese?"

"There are several," Takashi said. "You can say nii-chan, or nii-san, or aniki."

Ototo nodded, then pointed at Ryou. "Nii-chan." He pointed at Takashi. "Nii-san."

He was giving them affectionate nicknames, too. Ryou pretty much melted.

He brought himself back to the subject with difficulty. "That's...great. Really great. But what about a permanent name for you? Do you have any ideas? Your family name will be Shirogane, but we need a first name, too."

Ototo frowned. "Does it have to have meaning? I don't know the meanings of a lot of things."

"We'll teach you anything you want to know," Takashi said. "And you don't have to choose right now, or even today. We have all the time you need."

Ototo made a noise of irritation. He seemed to think the entire discussion was silly. "I'd rather get it done now. What does Shiro mean?"

Takashi laughed self-consciously and scraped a hand through his hair. "It means 'white.' More appropriate than ever, I guess, now that my hair is like this."

"It looks good," Keith assured him, his voice sharp and decisive.

The others nodded in agreement. Ototo reached up to ruffle his own hair, copying Takashi's gesture. "My hair isn't white. It's black. What's the word for black?"

"Kuro," Takashi said. "I'd rather not call you something that's just the opposite of me, though. You aren't my opposite, you're my brother. You _are_ me, in a way."

Ototo seemed annoyed at having this easy answer taken away. He thought for a moment, then looked at Lance. "I want a cool name, like Lance."

Lance beamed at him. "There are all kinds of cool weapons in Japan. Hey, we could call you Katana!"

"We're not calling him Katana," Takashi and Ryou both declared, almost in unison and with identical exasperation. 

Most of the table laughed. They looked each other, and Ryou shook his head. Takashi smiled at Ototo.

"Never mind that. Just...if we ever go back to Earth, people would tease you for that name. It's...very stereotypical."

Ototo clearly had no idea what that meant, but he didn't much care. He shrugged broadly and tossed his hands in the air, copying a gesture Hunk had made earlier in his discussion with Pidge. "Just tell me what to pick, then."

Ryou hesitated. The kid was starting to look overwhelmed and unhappy. It was big task, telling him to choose a name out of the myriad of possibilities, especially since he didn't care about it at all. Someday, Ryou hoped that he would care. He hoped that Ototo would feel like a person with an identity, not a weapon with a number. But right now, the first day, with so much to see and do and experience after being locked up in a Galra lab for his entire life so far, it was too much to ask.

Takashi seemed to be thinking along the same lines. He looked at Ototo with sympathy. "You want a cool name?" he asked gently. "Maybe a weapon, like Lance?"

Ototo nodded. He was slumping in his chair now, worn out by everything.

Takashi glanced at Ryou. "How about Ken? It's a simple name, easy to remember and quick to say, and it means 'sword' in Japanese." Ryou nodded, and Takashi looked to Ototo. "Is that cool enough for you?"

Ryou half-expected Ototo to just wave a hand and accept it, he was so tired and bored of the whole conversation. But he sat still and thought about it for a long moment. He had taken to heart their speech about names having meaning. He understood that this was important, and he was allowed to have a say.

Finally, he looked up and gave them a strong nod. "Ken. I like it." 

Takashi nodded back, and Ryou grinned. "Ken Shirogane. I like it, too."

After some nods and murmuring around the table, it was settled. Ken Shirogane. They all liked it. It was a good name.

Hunk clapped his hands and rose to his feet. "Well! Now that's settled, it's time for dessert."

Ryou lit up. They'd already had so much food, he hadn't expected Hunk to go that far, too. "What is it?"

Hunk turned to him with a big grin. "Cake!" Ryou didn't understand the devious look in his eye.

Then Pidge and Lance got to their feet, too. All three reached into their pockets and pulled out big handfuls of confetti, and they threw it at Ryou, Takashi, and Ken as they sat there gobsmacked, unable to react. "Happy Birthday, Shirogane triplets!"

And then they started singing and dancing around the table. "Today is your birthday! Na na na na na! We're gonna have a good time! Dah dah dah dah dah! Gonna eat a big cake! Na na na na na!"

It was mortifying. And overwhelming. After a couple of verses, Ryou slowly slid down his chair and hid under the table, hiding his flaming face in his hands. He could hear Coran and Allura laughing, Keith making confused noises as Lance dragged at his hands, trying to draw him into it. Takashi was laughing too, the traitor. Ugh. Everyone on this ship was so awful.

A few seconds later, he heard a rustle join him under the table, quiet, almost hidden under the continuing noise. He lowered his hands to find Ken sitting across from him, his face solemn and his eyes worried. "Okay, nii-chan?" he asked.

Ryou huffed, half in pleasure and half in surprise. A burst of warmth spread in his chest at this first actual use of his ototo's nickname for him. "Yeah. I'm okay. Just a little embarrassed. I was alone for a long time, infiltrating Haggar's labs, and all of the attention is overwhelming sometimes."

Ken nodded and scooted closer, until their knees almost touched. "I'm not used to lots of people, either."

"Yeah, I bet." Ryou sighed. He saw the way Ken's hands were fidgeting on his thighs. "Does it make you nervous?"

Ken considered, then shook his head. "I like them. They're all good not-enemies. Lance is funny, and Pidge and Hunk are interesting. Keith carries a knife, and I bet he can use it. Allura and Coran are stronger than they look. I don't know if I could beat them in a fight." He stared away for a moment, eyes narrowing.

Ryou swallowed. "Is that what you think of when you look at people? Whether you could beat them in a fight?"

Ken nodded and looked back to his face. "Yeah, of course. You said not to fight them, so I won't. I really want to fight something, though."

He clasped his hands together, white knuckled. Ryou could see the scars around his wrists from the chains that had held him. And now he was trying to hold himself.

Pity surged in his stomach. He reached out a hand, but didn't touch him. He wasn't sure if it would help, or if Ken would fly to pieces. "I'm sorry. I'll show you the gladiator right after this, okay?"

Ken stared at his hand. He released his white-knuckled grip on himself and reached back, folding his hand around Ryou's the way Keith had shown him for a handshake. He didn't shake, though. He just held on. Ryou held on too.

It was grounding. For both of them. After a moment, Ken's shaking eased, and Ryou felt steadier as well.

Above the table, the noise had quieted down. Ryou could hear Hunk and Lance in the next room, getting the cake ready and talking loudly about their candle substitutes. The others were chatting amongst themselves, a low, comforting murmur. No one tried to intrude on them, though, perhaps sensing that they needed the space for the moment.

Ryou smiled. "What do you think? Want to go to the gladiator right away, or do you want to try cake first?"

Ken tilted his head. "Is cake as tasty as the other things Hunk made?"

Ryou grinned. "Probably tastier."

Ken nodded firmly, then let go of Ryou's hand and started to scoot back to his chair. "Cake first, then gladiator."

It was a plan.


	4. Chapter 4

Ken liked the cake. He had two slices and looked inclined to eat everything that was left, too, before Hunk laughed and took it back to the kitchen to save "for later." Ken looked at Ryou, then, eyebrows rising, and Ryou chuckled. 

"Yes, you can have some later. It's the birthday boy's perogative to eat all leftover cake."

Ken nodded solemnly, taking this as a serious life lesson, as he took every bit of knowledge or advice that passed Ryou's lips. Then he pointed at Ryou and Takashi. "But it's nii-chan and nii-san's birthday too. You get leftover cake too."

"We'll eat it together," Takashi said with a wide grin. "Promise."

Ken was satisfied with that. Like everyone else on the ship, he already believed that Takashi's word was law.

Lance and Pidge wanted to take Ken on a tour of the ship immediately, but Ryou told them that he had promised him a trip to the training deck, first. "Give us half a varga, and we'll come find you," he said. "I'll let you show him all the cool stuff."

"And you can help me clean up," Hunk said menacingly, grabbing their collars when they would have run off. Pidge and Lance groaned, but let him haul them in for KP. Apparently the impromptu birthday party had been a conspiracy among all three of the younger paladins, so it was their duty to sweep up the confetti and wash the dishes afterward.

Keith had been giving Takashi significant looks all through dessert. After Takashi checked with Ryou to make sure he would be all right on his own, the two of them went off somewhere. Allura went back to the command deck to keep an eye on the big picture, since someone had to do it, and Coran wandered off to do one of the countless tasks he had to keep on top of to keep the castle running. And finally, Ryou and Ken went to the training deck.

Ken liked the training deck even more than he liked the cake. Ryou showed him the armory first, and Ken was like a kid in a candy store, wide eyes and goofy grin included. He kept wandering from the rack of firearms to the shelf of swords to the wall of staves and back again, trying to decide what to try first.

Ryou watched him with an indulgent smile. It didn't escape his notice that Ken seemed entirely comfortable here, entirely in his element for the first time since he fell out of the cryo-pod. No more nervous glances or hesitations, no looking to Ryou for guidance on what to do, how to act. His steps were graceful and eager, his body moving in perfect concert with his mind. It was nice to see the guy looking so completely, uncomplicatedly happy, even if it had to do with weapons and fighting.

He finally picked a sword, something a little longer than the form Keith's bayard usually took. His grin was positively gleeful as he swept the weapon in front of him in a few strikes and thrusts, feeling its balance and watching it cut the air. These moves looked graceful, too, practiced and confident.

"You like swords, huh?" Ryou asked.

Ken stopped swinging the sword to give him a happy nod. "I like them a lot. Takashi picked a really good name for me." He made a chopping motion with the sword, striking strongly downward. "I like the way it feels to hit something when it's close. I can feel the vibration up my arm, through my whole body. It feels good. I know I'm alive when I can feel that. Nothing else matters, just the sword and my arm and the enemy in front of me."

He moved in a stalking sidestep, slicing the sword through the air, once, twice, in a swift combo, then brought it up sharply in a guard position as he turned to face Ryou again. "Guns are good, too. They're powerful, since they can kill from far away. It's easy to stay alive when I have a gun. But swords are my favorite, because I can feel them so well."

Ryou nodded slowly. Apparently Ken could talk eloquently and at length, when the subject was weapons and fighting. "Have you been fighting for a long time?"

Ken shrugged, his eyes on the blade again as he swept it almost casually through the air, with a deadly sort of ease. "I don't know how long I've been alive. It blurs together. I just know that fighting is the most fun. Sitting in the cell is boring, and being examined hurts. But fighting is good. It's all I want to do."

Ryou winced, a shiver passing over his shoulders. "There are other fun things to do, too," he said gently. "Like eating cake and talking with our friends. Pidge and Lance will show you the fun things they like to do, too. They're very excited about that. You have more to look forward to than fighting, now."

Ken gave him a skeptical look, but Ryou didn't waver. It made sense now, how much Ken wanted to fight and longed to do it and got anxious when he couldn't. His entire life so far had consisted of only three activities, two of which were dull or actively painful. Of course he liked to fight, when as far he knew there were only two other options. He was like a lab rat who only knew a cage that shocked him and a cage that didn't, so naturally he wanted to be in the cage that didn't shock him, even though it was still a cage.

Ryou had worried that the need to fight was some kind of compulsion for Ken, that it might be something Haggar had put in his head that would make it hard for him to integrate into society. But now he felt a surge of something like cautious excitement. He couldn't wait to see how Ken would blossom once he figured out what freedom actually meant. How open the world was. How much there was to do and see and taste and experience.

And it was the same for Ryou. There was an entire universe of possibilities stretching out before them both. Neither of them were owned by Haggar anymore. They were their own people, with a crew and a home and a big brother who loved them and wanted to protect them. 

Ryou had never stepped foot in Japan with his own feet. He'd never swum in an ocean or seen a rainbow or eaten mochi or flown a kite. All of the memories he had of those things had been through Takashi's eyes, not his own. But he had a chance, now. A chance to experience it all for himself.

Ryou had a lot to learn, too.

Ken had finished testing the sword and was looking at Ryou expectantly. "Gladiator now?"

Ryou started, then moved toward the door. "Yes, of course. Right this way."

They stepped onto the pristine training deck, currently blank with everything put away for the day. Ken looked around with a shade of disappointment on his face. He'd probably been expecting some sort of monster to be waiting for him to fight. Ryou smiled and gestured for him to join him at a panel on the wall. "Here, this is where we set up the training simulation."

Ken moved to join him, staring at the panel with his eyebrows raised. Ryou looked at him seriously. "Before I show you how to use this, a couple of ground rules, okay? It's a mandatory rule on this ship that no one trains alone. We've had problems with malfunctions in the past, and we don't want anyone to get hurt when it could have been easily avoided. So whenever you fight on this deck, someone needs to be with you, whether it's me or someone else. If something goes wrong, if you take a bad hit or get too tired or anything like that, the other person can shut down the simulation before things get out of hand. I should also show you the first aid supplies over here."

He showed him the cupboards set into the wall with various Altean supplies, including bandages and futuristic hot and cold packs and water pouches galore. Ken watched with interest while Ryou pulled out each item and showed him how they worked. 

Ryou finished with a sigh and straightened, pushing the cupboard shut with his knee. "All of this is new to you, right?" He couldn't imagine that Ken had had first aid supplies available to him in the lab.

Ken nodded. "When I got hurt, I got taken to be examined. It was a good reason not to get hurt."

Ryou grimaced. "I bet. That's another reason to have someone with you when you fight, okay? If you get hurt, your buddy can help you out. That's what we're here for. No more being dragged off to a lab to get examined. If you get examined, it'll be by Coran in the infirmary, and it will be because you're hurt or sick, and it won't be _anything_ like the exams you went through before."

Ken nodded solemnly. "Don't worry, nii-chan. I won't get hurt. I'm too good at fighting."

Ryou laughed, the kind of laughter that was almost a sob. He had to fight off the urge to hug his little brother right then and there. He was still holding a sword, though, which was a good deterrent.

"Can I fight now?" Ken asked. "Or is there more stuff you have to show me first?" He didn't say so, but his tone clearly indicated that another word should have replaced "stuff" in that question.

Ryou led him back over to the panel on the wall. "Yes, all right. C'mere." Ken joined him, and Ryou spoke directly to the wall. "Castle, voice recognize: Ryou Shirogane." 

"Ryou Shirogane recognized," came a voice from the panel. It sounded vaguely like Pidge, since she was the one who had programmed the castle with a text-to-speech translator for those of them (most of them) who were still struggling with the Altean language.

"Castle, set authorization for Ken Shirogane." He nudged Ken's shoulder. "Say your name."

Ken blinked at him, then leaned in close to the panel as if he was whispering in someone's ear. "Ken Shirogane." The syllables fell a little awkwardly from his lips, but Ryou enjoyed hearing it, anyway. His little brother had a name, a cool name, and he knew what it was.

"Ken Shirogane recognized," the castle repeated. "Set authorization levels."

"Ken Shirogane authorized for use of the training deck, all levels," Ryou said. "Standard authorization for the rest of the castle as well, same security clearance as Ryou Shirogane."

"Authorization set," the castle stated, and then there was a friendly little beep that Ryou was pretty sure had come from one of Pidge's video games.

Ryou gave Ken a grin. "There, now you can ask the castle to start and stop training levels for you. Coran did this for me and Takashi last night to make sure the castle recognized both of us. You have free run of the ship now, just like the rest of us. Of course if a bedroom door is shut, you shouldn't go in without knocking, but if there's an emergency we all need to be able to get in wherever we need to go."

Ken stared at him. His hands tightened around the sword he was holding, almost the way he had held his own hands under the table earlier when he was trying to keep himself together. It was a self-comforting gesture, like gripping a teddy bear. Ryou frowned, wondering what was causing anxiety for Ken now.

But it wasn't anxiety in Ken's voice, it was wonder. "I can go anywhere I want? The whole ship? Anywhere?"

Ryou's breath caught. Oh. _Oh._

"Yes, ototo," he said, his voice dropping to a murmur. "Anywhere. No door is closed to you. Not anymore.There are dangerous places in the castle, some places you shouldn't go until you know how to protect yourself, like the engine room, things like that. And I would like to know where you are, at least most of the time. Just until I'm sure you can be safe. I know it's all very new, and we have a lot to show you. But the doors are open. All of them. Always."

"Oh. Okay." Ken blinked and looked around. "That's good. But... Right now, I want to be here. I want to fight."

Ryou laughed, light-hearted and free. So single-minded, this kid. "Right, of course. Castle, begin Melee Level 1, single opponent versus Ken Shirogane."

An iris opened in the ceiling, and a gladiator robot dropped in, staff at the ready. Ken spun at the noise, sword raised to guard his torso. Then he laughed as a broad grin spread slowly over his face. He transformed in an instant, dropping into a predatory stance. Savagery took over his face, and his eyes were afire. He didn't look scared, or sad, or nervous anymore. He looked happy. He looked _joyous._

Before he started, though, he turned and gave Ryou a softer smile. For an instant the savagery faded, replaced with the sweet, earnest, kind-hearted kid brother Ryou was beginning to know. "Thank you, nii-chan."

Then he turned to the fight. Ryou backed up against the wall and watched.


	5. Chapter 5

Ken blew through levels one through five on the melee gladiator with absolutely no problem before Ryou called a halt to the exercises. "End simulation!" he called, striding forward, right after Ken had called for Level 6. The gladiator bot froze, and Ken swiped through it with one swing he'd obviously been expecting to be blocked.

Ken turned to him with a frown, and Ryou gave him a conciliatory grin. "Sorry, kiddo. Any higher than this and we really need to get you some armor first. Besides, it's been half a varga. Pidge and Lance will be waiting for us."

Ken wrinkled up his nose and looked at his sword, turning it back and forth as if checking the edge for nicks. Of course, there were none. Altean weaponry was tough stuff. Swiping through metal and hardened plastic never left so much as a streak on the surface. "It didn't feel like half a varga," Ken grumbled.

Ryou shrugged. "Time flies when you're having fun." Ken gave him a confused look, but didn't question this. Ryou led the way to the armory so Ken could put his blade away.

Ken wasn't even breathing hard. The last half hour of vigorous exercise barely seemed to count as a warm-up to him. He set his sword back on the shelf where he'd found it, his fingers lingering on the handle, almost stroking it in farewell. Then he lowered his hands, rolling them into fists by his sides, though he still stared at the sword with his mouth in a grim line. His shoulders were tense.

Ryou remembered Keith and the way he needed to keep his knife close, both because it was a keepsake from his parents and because it made him feel safer after the rough experiences of his adolescence. It made sense that Ken might need that kind of reassurance, too. 

"Hey," he said gently, reaching out to put a hand on Ken's shoulder. "Would you like to pick out a knife to keep with you? For self-defense only, of course."

Ken jerked his head sidways to give him a wide-eyed look. "I can _keep_ one?"

Again that wonder in his voice. So astonished at being treated like a human being.

Ryou swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah. Take your pick. Consider it your first birthday present."

The knives were in a drawer under the shelves of swords. Ken pulled the drawer out, then stood staring down at the collection of knives, his eyes lingering on each of the blades. Most of them were plainly decorated, meant for utility rather than beauty, but there were a number of different shapes for the blades and thicknesses for the handles.

Ryou didn't know enough about knives to be able to tell what kinds they were, not even enough to compare them to Earth weapons. His memories of the arena were patchy and fuzzy, both because Takashi had repressed most of it and because Haggar hadn't considered it important when she planted in his head, he guessed. But the weapons he remembered using had always been pressed into his hands by a guard or taken from a fallen enemy. He'd never had the luxury of choice.

He wondered if Ken had had any kind of training, enough to be knowledgable about different blades and their uses, or if he'd been in the same boat of just taking what he was given. He suspected the latter, but he didn't want to ask. He didn't want to talk about it. Watching Ken fight for half a varga had been enough to stir up his vague, nauseating memories of the arena, thank you very much.

Ken picked up a few knives and tried them, swinging them through the air in a few moves. It was much shorter than the tests he'd put the sword through earlier, but his eyes still sparkled and he clearly enjoyed every second. Eventually he chose a knife and held it in both hands, smiling down at as if it was a giant chest of treasure he'd found on a beach somewhere.

"Is that the one?" Ryou asked.

Ken startled and looked up, as if he'd forgotten Ryou was there. Then he relaxed and nodded, grinning hugely. He held up the knife, handle toward Ryou. "It's great! Wanna try it?"

"Ah... Sure." Ryou gingerly closed his fingers around the handle and backed up a step, so Ken wouldn't be in striking distance. He moved the knife in the air, changed his grip on the handle a couple of times to get a feel for it. It did feel good. The handle was just the right size and thickness to fill his hand, without feeling chunky or unbalanced, and the blade went where he wanted it to go with almost no effort at all.

After a bit, he put it back in Ken's hand. "Happy birthday, ototo. May there be many more."

Ken nodded, holding the knife like it was indescribably precious. Ryou fought away the lump in his throat and helped him a find a well-fitting sheath he could hook to his belt. He hoped they would be able to find other gifts for Ken later, when they knew better what kinds of things he liked. But at least for the moment, his first present seemed to be a success.

The rest of the day was full with touring the ship with the three younger paladins, all various shades of excited to show Ken everything the castle had to offer. Ryou tagged along, enjoying Pidge and Lance and Hunk's kindness almost as much as Ken's wide-eyed wonder at everything they showed him. It was a parental feeling, he recognized, that fondness for anyone who was kind to his little brother, but knowing what it was didn't stop his affection for the three paladins from growing in leaps and bounds over the course of the day. And he'd already carried a pretty deep well of affection and fondness for them to begin to with.

Interestingly, it was the pool that Ken was the most interested in, not the lions. He listened to Lance's chattering about how awesome Red and Blue were with patience, but he looked at the gigantic creatures in their hangars as if they were just big spaceships. Interesting and cool, sure, but not earth-shattering. He only shrugged when Lance offered to take him inside Red to see the cockpit.

"C'mon," Lance wheedled. "Red goes super fast. And she has really, really cool guns that shoot, like, fire."

Ken's perked up. "Are we going to go fight?"

Lance deflated. "Uh, no. There's nothing to battle around here. We're in a pretty empty sector of space, now that the little rift is gone. But we could go for a flight, and you can see how fast Red can go!"

Ken hummed. "Maybe later. Can we try swimming, first?"

Hunk smiled and put an arm around his shoulders. "Sure, let's head back there. Did Shiro and Ryou help you find swim trunks?"

They headed off down the hallway, and Lance looked at Ryou. His shoulders were slumped, and he seemed genuinely disappointed. "Aw, man. I thought he would like to take a ride around in space. He's been locked up in Haggar's lab his whole life, hasn't he? He needs to get out and see something besides metal walls, but he doesn't seem to care."

Ryou reached out and gave Lance's shoulder a comforting rub. "It's not your fault he didn't go for it. You're right. Ken has never seen anything besides the inside of Galra buildings and now the inside of the castle-ship. He has no conception of what's out there, so he doesn't even know that something exists to be interested in. He's like a child in some ways, though mentally and physically he's an adult."

Lance straightened. "Oh, dude. And we didn't even take him to any of the observation windows on the tour. It was all inside stuff, like the library and the ballroom and the kitchen and the hangars and Pidge and Hunk's workrooms. We gotta..."

He started to rush off, but Ryou tightened his grip on his shoulder and held him back. "Whoa, hold on, buckaroo. Let's save something for tomorrow, all right? Right now, Ken just wants to go swimming. Let's do that, get in some bonding time with the whole crew before bed, and we can introduce him to the size of the universe once he's had a little time to adjust. It's a lot to take in, and he's already been overwhelmed a couple dozen times today."

Lance stared at him with large, empathetic eyes. "Crap, I didn't even think about it like that. Poor guy. Yeah, you're right. Let's just relax and have fun with our new teammate. Since Coran showed us how to reverse the gravity in the pool room, we haven't had nearly enough time to play around in there."

Swimming was fun. The Altean pool was perfect—not too warm and not too cool, clean with no scent of chlorine or tang of salt. It was Ryou's first time swimming, too, technically. The first time in this body, anyway. Ken picked up a doggy paddle and deadman's float almost instantly, and he was interested in the other swimming strokes Hunk and Lance delighted in showing him. Mostly though, he just splashed around, laughing and having fun. Ryou did, too.

Keith and Takashi even joined them for a while toward the end, though they didn't get quite as into it as the others. The conversation they'd gone off alone to have must have been a heavy one. Ryou tried not to worry about it. Keith wasn't his oldest friend here, not really—he was Takashi's. Ryou didn't have a right to worry about him.

So he would just direct all of that worry toward Ken instead. Yes, this was a mature and healthy decision. Good job, Ryou.

By the end of the evening, everyone was exhausted. They trundled off to showers and to bed, moving sluggishly and yawning. Ryou remembered this, the full-body ache of spending hours in the water, exerting every muscle. It felt good, though he figured he would be sore in the morning.

He and Ken had rooms across the hall from Takashi's. Coran had sorted them out last night after they put Ken in the pod, and Ryou and Takashi had helped Ken carry his clothes to his after they raided the storage rooms. Ken and Ryou's rooms were both a little bare, still. Ken's more so, of course. Takashi had moved over a few items from his room that he didn't recognize, saying that they must be things Ryou had picked up, and he should get to keep them. Ryou was touched by the thoughtfulness.

After his shower, he walked down the hall with a towel around his waist, using another to scrub at his hair. Ken's door was open, and he looked inside. The kid was lying on his back on his bed in his new (black) pajamas, one arm folded under his head and the other holding up his knife, turning it in the light to admire the blade.

"Hey, Ken." Ryou had to stop to yawn. He leaned heavily on the edge of the doorway and gave him a smile. "You doing okay?"

Ken let the knife rest on his chest, a move that made Ryou feel twitchy though he refrained from saying anything. "Yep, all good. I'm gonna go to sleep soon."

Ryou nodded and leaned back. "Sure thing. Want me to close your door for you?"

A spasm of fear crossed Ken's face, and he shook his head vigorously. "Leave it open, please."

Ryou hesitated, his hand in midair where it had already been reaching toward the door panel. He pulled it back, clenched in a fist, and rested it on his bare stomach. "You want the door open, huh?"

Ken nodded. "Yes. Please."

"No one is gonna lock you in, buddy. Never again. This is a bedroom, not a cell. You can open and close the door whenever you want."

Ken's eyes flickered. "I know." Still, for maybe the first time, he sounded uncertain.

Ryou sighed gently, a bare movement of the chest. He knew it would take time for Ken to believe this. _No rush,_ he reminded himself. They had plenty of time for Ken to learn everything he needed to know.

"All right. No problem. If you need anything during the night, anything at all, you know where I am. My door won't be locked, either. Feel free to come over whenever you want."

Ken nodded and gave him a sweet smile. "Okay. Good night, nii-chan."

"Good night, ototo."

Despite the weariness permeating his body, it took Ryou a long time to fall asleep. Between finding out he was a clone, coming back to the Castle of Lions, pulling Takashi out of the inter-dimensional rift, getting a new name and a new brother, finding out Ken was alive, waiting for him to get out, then giving him a name and a home and everything else, Ryou hadn't had time to process all of the major changes in his life. It all caught up to him at once. He felt buried under the weight of it, barely able to breathe. He wished he was back on the couch in the lounge with Takashi, his big brother's fingers sweeping gently through his hair.

His mind kept spinning over and over all of the events that had rocked his world: the video from the lab, Allura's compassionate expression when she told him to come home, Lance's welcoming hug, Takashi's radiant grin at seeing him face to face. The light on Ken's stasis pod, blinking. The way he leaned into Ryou's side when he came out of healing. His hand holding Ryou's when they hid together under the table like children in a playhouse on a rainy day. The shine in his eyes when he fought the gladiator. That sweet smile when he said good night.

It was by concentrating on these memories of Ken that Ryou's mind finally settled down enough for sleep. A lot was still up in the air. He didn't know what his role on the ship was now that the Black Lion didn't need him anymore. He didn't know what the future held, if there even was a future for a clone who had been created to be a bomb and couldn't even do that right. But if nothing else, Ken needed him. Ken trusted him, relied on him. He had so, so much to learn about the universe, about himself, about everything that was out there. And Ryou was going to be there to show him and to teach him. Everything. It was all he wanted, and he was going to do a good job if it killed him.

Hours later, Ryou was asleep, trapped in a series of distressing images that mostly featured Ken in various stages of hurt or dead. It was a bad dream, but not bad enough to wake him up, not quite bad enough to even realize it was a dream. It mirrored the low-key anxiety that had been lurking in the back of his head all day, so it just felt like more of the same.

Then a quiet voice sounded in the room. "Ryou? Nii-chan?"

Ryou startled awake, then went still. The lights around the base of the walls were dimly lit, letting him see Ken standing a few steps away, shoulders hunched with his arms crossed over his belly. He looked pale and shaken, and Ryou knew instantly that he wasn't the only one who had been having bad dreams.

"Hey, kiddo," Ryou said thickly. He scooted away on the bed until his back was against the wall, then lifted the blanket and patted the mattress next to him. "C'mere."

Ken didn't hesitate. He practically fell into bed next Ryou with a sigh of relief and curled into him. Ryou put his arms around his head and shoulders, not surprised when he stiffened at the unfamiliar touch. But Ken had seen Hunk and Lance hugging earlier, so he knew what it was. He let out a breath and ducked into it, burying his head against Ryou's shoulder.

"Shh. It's all right." Ryou stroked a hand over his back and head. "You're okay, everything's fine. Did you have a bad dream?"

Ken nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Ken shivered. "I didn't want to go to sleep," he muttered. "It's stupid, but... It felt like dying. And then I dreamed about it. I don't want to die again, nii-chan."

A lump rose in Ryou's throat. If the changes in his life had been abrupt and overwhelming, the changes in Ken's life were arguably even more severe and traumatic. And he had had zero time to process. No wonder he was having bad dreams.

"I don't want you to die, either," he murmured. "Never, you get that? I'm gonna keep you safe. You're stuck with me. Forever."

Ken sniffled on his shoulder. "It hurt," he whispered in a tiny voice. "Dying hurt."

Ryou held him tighter. "But you didn't die. We both thought you were dying, but you didn't. Your body is tougher than that. And we're not gonna let that happen again. First thing tomorrow, we're gonna get you some armor just like the stuff the rest of us wear. Coran can help us fabricate it. I need to get a new color, too. You're gonna be safe, and you're gonna be happy, and you're gonna have a _great_ life from now on. I'll make sure of it. So don't worry, okay? Dying is off the table. I promise."

Ken sucked in a shaky breath. "Okay."

"Do you believe me?"

"Yeah. I believe you." Ken's arms had been sandwiched between their bodies as he curled up against Ryou like a child, but now he crept them forward and wrapped them around Ryou's middle, holding almost painfully tight. "I don't like bad dreams."

Ryou chuckled. "Yeah, me neither. But we'll stay together and fight them off as a team, okay? I've got your back, and you've got mine. Everything's gonna be okay."

"Okay," Ken said sleepily. Already his body was softening, his grip loosening as he relaxed in Ryou's arms. Reassuring him hadn't been hard at all. Ryou would have been astonished if he weren't simply grateful.

Ken nuzzled into his shoulder, reminding Ryou of a cat kneading its bedding to make a nest, then settled down and went heavily still. In seconds, it seemed that he was already asleep again. Trust, exhaustion, or just the skill of a soldier who knew how to sleep whenever the opportunity presented itself? One or all three, it didn't matter.

Ryou dipped his head so his nose rested against Ken's hair, and moments later he was asleep, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The knife Ken picked was similar to [a kukri](https://www.traditionalfilipinoweapons.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/TFWKukhri-3.jpg). The sword he used was very like Lance's broadsword in canon, though he was strongly tempted by one that looked like a cutlass with a D-guard.
> 
> I was tempted to give more thorough descriptions of the knives Ken was looking at, but we were in Ryou's perspective so I decided not to. If you'd like to learn a whole bunch of fairly useless knowledge about knife shapes and what they're good for, you should try watching Forged in Fire. It's on Hulu and it's mightily entertaining, as well as being mildly educational.


	6. Chapter 6

Shiro woke up and stared at the ceiling, and for a moment he couldn't remember what was different. Ah, yes, this was the Castle of Lions in the dimension he'd been born in, not the one he'd visited for who-knew-how-long, sent there by the Black Lion to save him from certain death at Zarkon's hands. The ceilings were really _very_ similar.

He popped to his feet and went about his morning routine with a whistle on his lips. He was home, back with the team he'd missed every moment he was away from them. He'd gotten a chance to catch up with Keith last night, but he really hadn't had much one-on-one time with anyone else yet. Well, except Ryou.

Shiro's grin broadened even more. Another big change, brand-new and exciting. Shiro had two younger brothers now, which he was pleased about not only for their own sake, but also for a vindictive sort of "gotcha" at Haggar. She had made those boys to be her weapons, and Shiro's team had managed to steal them away from her, by some massive good fortune. 

Ken and Ryou didn't belong to the witch anymore. She had tried to do something awful with what she'd stolen from Shiro--his very flesh and blood, his DNA. And now they were all intent on transforming her ill intentions into something entirely different. She'd meant to tear Shiro apart, and instead he was using her weapons to build a new family. Haggar was never going to win, not in any way that mattered, and Shiro was viciously, pettily gleeful over it.

Plus, they were both ridiculously adorable, Ken with his wide-eyed wonder at all of the new things the world had to offer him, and Ryou with that wrinkle in the middle of his forehead as he followed Ken around like a sheepdog, trying to keep him safe. Shiro loved them both with a bright, burning ferocity that almost astonished him. He'd heard about the way fathers fell in love with their newborns the instant they held them, but he'd never expected to experience it himself, not like this. That was life in space for you, though. Always full of surprises, some of them horrific, some of them amazingly, incredibly good.

Shiro opened his door, ready to step out across the hall and say good morning to his little brothers. Instead he let out an oof of surprise and stumbled as something compact and strong barrelled into him and knocked him back a step. Shiro looked down, arms raised in startlement, to find Ken wrapped around his chest with his head buried in Shiro's shoulder.

"Oh. Hey, Ken." Shiro smiled and relaxed, his arms lowering. He wrapped his hands loosely around him in return and patted his shoulders and upper back. "Good morning. What's this about?"

Belatedly, he realized that Ken was shaking. Shiro frowned and pressed him a little closer. "Ken?"

"Nii-san," Ken mumbled into his shoulder. "Please help. Something is wrong with nii-chan."

Shiro's heart stuttered, then fell into his shoes. He wrapped his arms tighter around his baby brother and held on, frowning. "Something's wrong with Ryou?"

Ken nodded, face scraping against his shoulder, and Shiro looked across the hallway. The door to Ryou's room was open, but he couldn't see much inside at this angle. He tried to take a step that way, but Ken was clinging too tightly and impeded his movement.

Shiro huffed, half in amusement and half in concern. First things first, then. He gave Ken a squeeze, then tried to angle his head to look into his face. "Hey, hey, can you look at me? Look me in the eyes."

Ken shook his head and pressed his face even harder into Shiro's shoulder. Shiro chuckled silently, despite the stress of the moment. Ken was like a toddler who thought the bad things would go away if he didn't look at them.

"Okay. Okay." He wrapped his arms back around him and tucked his chin over his head, rocking them slightly where they stood. "It's gonna be fine. We'll take care of it. Is he sick? Too hot? Coughing? Having trouble getting up?"

Or was it something worse? Had Ryou been injured in one of his battles and not said anything? Shiro swallowed hard at the thought. Surely not. Surely one of them would have noticed. Surely he trusted them enough to tell them about something like that rather than hiding it.

To his relief, Ken nodded and finally lifted his head from his shoulder, looking at him with wonder. "How did you know?"

Shiro gave him a smile, a little strained. "I thought something like that might happen. Ryou has been under a lot of stress for a long time, and he hasn't been taking care of himself. I thought he was looking a little too washed out and exhausted after swimming last night, but I hoped a good night of rest would help him. I'm not surprised that we aren't that lucky."

Ken shook his head miserably and stood back, letting go of Shiro abruptly. His eyes were damp, and he looked utterly heartsick. "He didn't get a good night of sleep, though. I woke him up. This is my fault."

"Oh, Ken." Shiro's hands shot out and grabbed his shoulders. He thought his heart might explode. "No. No, of course not. Don't think that. It's not your fault. Waking up for a few minutes, or even longer, doesn't make someone get sick. This has been coming for a while, that's all. Remember how I wasn't surprised? Ryou would have gotten sick even if you hadn't woken him up. It just happens sometimes."

Ken sniffled and rubbed his hand under his nose. "You'll come help him now?"

"Yes, of course. Let’s go."

Ken's hand crept out and grabbed his shirt, and Shiro wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led him across the hall. He was afraid that Ryou would be delirious, or worse, unconscious, but he was sitting up on the edge of the bed by the time Shiro and Ken got there. He looked woozy, cheeks flushed and two-toned hair sticking up in disarray, blanket wrapped messily around his waist, and he was listing dangerously to the side, but all of that was a far cry better than unconscious or hallucinating.

Shiro half-crouched next to the bed and put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a warm smile as Ryou struggled to focus on him. "Hey, buddy. Not feeling so hot, huh?"

Ryou blinked at him, squinted one eye shut in an attempt to see him better, then gave it up and just stared fuzzily at a spot somewhere near Shiro's chin. He was shivering under Shiro's hand, but he seemed to find the touch steadying. "Da'nit, Ken, I told you not to bother Tak'shi..." His voice was grumpy, which was pretty funny. Shiro knew he could get irritable when he was sick or in pain, but he'd never realized just how childish and petulant his voice could sound.

Ken didn't find it funny. He whimpered in distress, and Shiro looked over to him in concern. Ken's arms were wrapped around himself as he had done several times yesterday when he was overwhelmed. Shiro tried to give him a reassuring smile, but the kid wasn't paying any attention to him, staring fixedly at Ryou. Shiro sighed and turned his attention back to Ryou as well.

"Ken was just worried about you," he said gently. "I am too. This came on quick. You seemed fine last night."

"I'm fine _now,"_ Ryou grumped. He tried to swipe at Shiro's hand on his shoulder to dislodge him, but missed entirely. He closed his eyes and breathed out in frustration, then opened them again. "Just need a few more minutes. I'll be okay. Be at breakfast in a bit. We got stuff to do today. Gonna get Ken some armor so he can fight more. Show him the stars. Find out if he can read."

"All of that is important, sure," Shiro said. "But you're important too, Ryou. You need to start taking better care of yourself. You haven't been resting properly for a long time, have you? I know, because I'm the same way. You wore yourself out on your mission, but it's over now. You were successful. You brought Ken home to us. And now you need to rest and recover so you can fight again."

As Shiro had been speaking Ryou stared at him, his eyes glazed over. He was listing to the side again, but this time it was into Shiro's hand on his shoulder. Shiro straightened and leaned into the pressure, providing more support. Ryou wasn't a small man, by any means, but Shiro was his nii-san, too, and he was going to take care of everyone he cared about no matter what. He could hold him up. He could carry him to the infirmary himself, if it came to that, though he had a feeling that Ken might try to take the privilege from him.

"I don't wanna be sick," Ryou mumbled, still staring somewhere near Shiro's chin. "Got too much to do. 'Sinconvenient."

Shiro chuckled and shuffled closer, letting go of his shouder to wrap his arm around him, instead. He shifted up to sit on the bed next to Ryou as he slumped over into Shiro's side, falling slowly and invitably as if tugged in by Shiro's gravity. His burning forehead landed against the side of Shiro's neck, and he winced at the heat and raised a hand to touch his cheek. Ryou sighed at the contact, relieved by the touch that must have felt cool and refreshing against his hot, dry skin.

"No one ever wants to be sick," Shiro said, with the wisdom of long experience being himself and hating it when his body forced him to rest. He knew exactly how Ryou was feeling right now. "There's always something else you'd rather be doing. But we don't always get a choice."

"I dunno what I'm supposed to be doing anyway," Ryou mumbled, only partially coherent. Shiro frowned and tucked that away for later. He knew Ryou was dealing with some stuff; they all were. They would work it out. They had time.

Now, he looked up and gave Ken a smile. The youngest Shirogane was still hovering near the door with his arms wrapped around himself, looking nearly as sick and off-balance as Ryou. "See? It's okay. He just has a cold or something. We'll go to the infirmary and have Coran check him out just to be sure, but he'll be fine."

"No infirmary," Ryou murmured into his neck, almost too quiet for Shiro to hear. "Ken doesn't like 'em." Shiro nodded minutely to show he understood, his eyes still on Ken.

Ken shuffled his feet, trying to decide if Shiro was right or not, then took a hesitant step closer. His arms unfolded from his stomach, and his hands hovered awkwardly in the air as if he wanted to reach out but wasn't sure how. "I've never seen anyone get sick before," he said shakily.

Shiro nodded slowly, trying to encourage him to keep moving. He couldn't help being curious, though. He knew Ken had experienced horrors--there was no way he hadn't--but neither Shiro nor Ryou knew anything about the particulars. It was all guessing and speculation. "You didn't interact with any other captives? You never saw anyone else in the labs being examined, or Galra soldiers being treated by medics for injuries or illness?"

Ken shook his head. "I was the only one like me in the labs, or anywhere else they took me. There were lots of scientists, but none of them were ever sick. The only soldiers I saw were guards who moved me from room to room. In the fighting room, you only left if the other one was dead. I always made sure the other one died and not me. If I got hurt, they took me to the labs to get me fixed, and that hurt even more, so I tried not to get hurt, either. But it was better to be hurt than dead. If I ever got sick, I don't remember it. Maybe they knocked me out. They did that sometimes." 

He looked even more sick, a flash of terror crossing his face, and Shiro's breath came short. He hadn't expected such a deluge of words. Ryou had gone still against his side, too, listening with bated breath.

But of course, Ken had no concept of holding back. Kids rambled like this too, sharing whatever popped into their heads to anyone who would listen. Ken spoke plainly and thoroughly because he had no idea that people were usually reticent with their traumas, ashamed and afraid. Ken knew what fear was, in a primal, physical sense, but he knew nothing of shame.

"Okay," Shiro said as steadily as he could. "We'll talk more about that later, for sure. We'd like to know everything that happened to you before Ryou took you away from that place. But for now, you can trust what I say, okay? People get sick. It happens a lot. It's usually not too serious. Even if it does get serious, we have a big, fancy ship with lots of resources and a very smart man, Coran, who does everything he can to keep us healthy and help us get better when we're hurt or sick. So Ryou is going to be fine. I'm very confident in that. Do you believe me?"

Ken shuffled one step closer, his hand drifting toward Ryou. Ryou huffed with the effort, but he managed to lift his hand and grab onto Ken's, and then both went still as their hands wrapped around each other. Ken stared down at Ryou, and Ryou stared off somewhere into the distance, his head heavy on Shiro's shoulder.

Only then did Ken turn and give Shiro a nod. "I believe you." His voice still wavered, but it seemed to be more of a reaction to the stress than anything else. "But I don't like it."

"No one likes being sick," Shiro repeated smoothly. "And no one likes it when someone they love is sick, either. But it's going to be okay. I'll go get Coran, and you can stay here with him, all right?"

He shifted on the bed, moving toward standing up. Ryou groaned. He tried to take his own weight and straightened for a second just to slump again, worn out by the exertion. Ken took that as his cue to sit down on Ryou's other side, letting go of his hand so he could wrap his arm around his shoulders, just as Shiro let go. Ryou slumped to that side instead and let Ken take him. Shiro carefully disengaged and stood up, smiling down at his little brothers.

Yep, they were both ridiculously adorable. Some of Shiro's high spirits from waking had been tempered, but not all of them. "I'll be right back," he promised. "Hold tight."

Ken nodded and lifted his hand to touch Ryou's cheek the way Shiro had done earlier. Ryou sighed and closed his eyes. Shiro hurried out the door, tearing his gaze away reluctantly.

He really, really hoped he'd been telling the truth. It was nothing serious. Just a cold. Coran would have a look, then tell Ryou to rest and drink lots of fluids, and Hunk would make him soup, and Ryou would complain about it but would let himself be coddled for a couple of days, and he'd finally get some rest, and everything would be fine.

No other outcome was allowed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely comments. They really mean a lot to me. I will make an effort to respond to them in the next few days.

Shiro ran into Lance on his way down the hall to who-knew-where. Apparently this Castle of Lions was different enough from the one he'd spent months in that it was a little too easy to get turned around and lost. Shiro needed to re-familiarize himself with a lot of things.

"Hey, Shiro!" Lance said cheerfully, after a glance at his head to determine with Shirogane triplet he was talking to. He looked shiny and bright, probably just scrubbed his face after waking up like the well-groomed young man he was. "Where's the fire?"

Shiro paused and looked at him, and Lance looked back, a little wide-eyed at the sudden scrutiny. "I'm looking for Coran, actually. He didn't answer my page. Any idea where he might be?"

Lance scratched his head. "He usually checks on the engines first thing in the morning. The power pods can interfere with radio signals, that's probably why he didn't get your message. I'd tell you how to get there, but it's kind of confusing, so... Follow me, I guess." He spun nearly on his heel and set off down the hall, and Shiro hurried to catch up.

Despite the other concerns pressing on him, Shiro was glad he'd run into Lance. He hadn't had a chance to talk to him yet since returning, and after his long discussion with Keith yesterday, he knew they had a lot to catch up on. "How are you doing, by the way? Keith told me how crazy the last few months have been. How have you been holding up?"

Lance laughed, trying for breezy, but Shiro didn't miss the strain under his voice, the shock at the question. As if he hadn't expected Shiro to ask. Hadn't expected him to care, maybe. "Oh, I'm fine. You know me, same ol' Lancey Lance. I can handle anything. No big deal."

"Really?" Shiro took a couple of longer strides and caught up to Lance's suddenly hurrying steps so they walked side by side. He looked over at his face, but Lance stared ahead, refusing to look at him. "Keith told me about how you had to switch lions. That must have been stressful. How is Red treating you?"

"Red's great," Lance said, and his enthusiasm didn't seem forced. "She so fast, and her guns are super powerful. She's a lot of fun to fly, but hard to handle sometimes. I guess Keith told you I had trouble adjusting at first?" Here he did sneak a glance at Shiro, his eyes sheepish, before looking ahead again. "But it's fine now, we're all fine. Everything's good."

Shiro shook his head. "He didn't mention that, no. Just said that you really stepped up as second-in-command, and you've been a big help to him. That must have been tough, but I'm glad you were there to support him. Keith is enormously talented, but he needs someone to keep him in check. I really appreciate you being there to do that for him. It means a lot to me."

To his surprise, Lance didn't preen at the praise. He didn't respond to it at all. In fact, he did something Shiro had never expected.

Lance sighed and muttered, "I'm gonna miss being a paladin.”

Shiro halted in shock, and Lance did too, turning toward him with wide eyes. He hadn't meant to say that aloud.

"What do you mean?" Shiro demanded.

Lance shrugged, cheeks reddening. "Well I mean, just... You're back. And so is Ryou. So Keith doesn't need to pilot Black anymore. He hates it anyway, so it'll be better for him. And he can go back to Red, and she'll be happy about that, too."

"And then you'd go back to Blue," Shiro said.

Lance looked horrified. "No way! I can't take that away from Allura. You haven't seen her fly yet, so you don't know, but, Shiro... She's the best. Way better than me. She unlocked Blue's powers so fast..." He shrugged, weariness in the gesture as well as resignation. "It's just resource management, that's all. You should have the best paladins up in the air with you. And that's... That's not me."

His voice went sad at the end. Nigh heartbroken. And yet that was determination in the set of his shoulders. He truly, honestly believed that Voltron would be better off without him.

Shiro crossed his arms over his chest. "And what will you do?"

"I don't know." Lance scrubbed a hand over his face. "Help Coran, I guess. Or just... Maybe I could go home, if you don't need me anymore." Wistfulness in his voice, and Shiro's heart ached with sympathy.

"Aw, kiddo."

He crossed over in one stride and pulled Lance into his arms. Lance didn't resist. His hands rose and grabbed onto the back of Shiro's shirt, his face hidden in Shiro's shoulder where Ken's face had been not long ago. It reminded Shiro that he was on a mission, but again: first things first.

"Lance, buddy," he said tenderly. "We'll always need you. Don't you ever think otherwise."

Lance sighed, then pulled back and gave Shiro a watery smile. "That's nice and all, but it doesn't fix anything."

Shiro's lips twisted. "I know. We have a lot to figure out, a lot to discuss. But don't jump ahead, okay? There's a lot going on that hasn't been talked about with the group yet. Keith told me stuff yesterday..." He paused, not sure how much of what Keith had told him was in confidence.

Lance stared at him frankly. "Does he want to go back to the Blade of Marmora and help them track down that strange quintessence?"

Shiro's eyebrows rose. "How did you know?"

Lance glanced away down the hallway and rubbed the back of his head. "This is exactly what happened the last time you came back. Well, it wasn't you, it was Ryou, but anyway. I went to Keith then and told him the same thing I just told you. Six pilots and five lions. The math doesn't work. He told me not to worry about it, and then next thing we knew he was off doing missions for the Blade all the time and not showing up when we needed him, until Ryou stepped up because we didn't have a choice."

Shiro's heart hurt. "Keith told me the basics, but he didn't mention that you'd come to him and told him you thought you should step aside."

Lance looked him in the eyes. "Well, I did. And his solution was to step away, himself. But that's not a long-term answer, Shiro. We need Keith in Voltron. He's a much better pilot than me, and he's bonded with two lions, now. Once his mission with the Blade is done, he needs to come back."

Shiro was getting a headache. "Lance, you bonded with two lions, too. Don't you think maybe that means you're valuable to Voltron, as well?"

Lance flapped his hands. "I mean, I guess? I'm good at filling in the gaps. I'm, like, everyone's second choice. I'm the fifth wheel. Or seventh. Or ninth, now that we have Ken and Ryou."

“Lance, no.” Shiro resisted a strong urge to knock Lance's head against a wall to see if that would shake something loose. What was wrong with this kid? 

Worse, how had he never noticed this before? Lance must have been struggling with these feelings of inadequacy since they first came to space. Or earlier. This was not something that had popped up overnight. He'd been feeling it for a long time, that was obvious by the way he spoke about it, smoothly and effortlessly, repeating words that must have echoed in his head countless times. 

Shiro had always thought that Lance's tendency to brag and crow was annoying, childish and immature. He hadn't realized that it was a facade, a cover for Lance's true feelings. If he had noticed, tried to talk to him, would it have made a difference? Surely it would have.

They had been neglecting this cadet, and no one had realized. No, not a cadet anymore, a paladin, and that made it even more crucial that they dealt with this. Shiro had a lot of catching up to do, he realized, even more than he'd thought.

He reached out and put a hand on Lance's shoulder. He didn't know what else to say. He didn't know what the future held for him, or Lance, or for the team as a whole. He hadn't even been down to the hangars to say hello to Black yet, though he'd felt her greeting in his mind the moment he crossed through the rift. Was it even fair for him to take back piloting her from Keith, or from Ryou, both of whom had been her paladin in his absence?

Somehow he'd thought that he could just step back into his old life as if nothing had changed, but that wasn't true at all, was it? Lots of things had changed. He'd just been thinking about that a half hour ago, when he woke up and was so happy to be here and to have two new brothers. He hadn't realized that some of the changes that had happened in his absence might not be quite as joyful.

"Okay," he said gently. "Okay. I get it. I understand what you're saying. We're going to figure this out. I don't have all the answers, and I shouldn't have pretended that I did. We'll deal with all of it in good time. For now, are there any other secrets you've been keeping that I should know about?"

Lance gave him a jaded stare. "Did Keith tell you about the Galran prince in the basement?"

Shiro stared back. "What."

"Lotor. Did he mention Lotor?"

"Oh." Shiro felt like his mind had been put on reboot, and now he was back. He was almost relieved that he knew the answer to this one. "Yeah, actually, I think it was Ryou who told me about him. He gave you guys the info on Haggar's labs, right? I didn't realize he was still on the ship, though."

Lance nodded. "Yeah, we can't really figure out what to do with him. He keeps giving us little dribs and drabs of information, and we keep following them, and it keeps turning out that he was telling the truth, but can we really trust him? I don't know. Pidge is still hoping that he'll give us something to help us find her dad, but so far he hasn't. I think he's holding out on us." His eyes widened. "Oh crap, you haven't even seen Matt yet! Did Ryou or Keith tell you that we found him? He's off with the Resistance, but we gotta call him to come see you. I don't think he even knows yet that the 'Shiro' he met was a clone..."

He started heading off down the hall, clearly flustered, and Shiro snagged his wrist. "Hold on. Sorry. Yes, I want to see Matt. That's definitely on a long... _long_ list of things I need to do now that I'm home. But Coran first, okay? I still need to find him."

"Oh, right." Lance coughed and re-centered himself, cheeks flaming red, then started trotting down the hall in the direction he'd been going before Shiro stopped him. "Sorry, I got distracted."

"It was my fault," Shiro said, keeping up with little effort. Lance had long legs, but so did Shiro. "I didn't mean to bring up such a heavy subject so early in the morning."

Lance shook his head. "Not your fault I dumped that all over you. I should have kept it to myself. Anyway, why do you need to find Coran?"

Shiro frowned at this obvious deflection. He did not agree at all that Lance should have kept his insecurity to himself. He was glad he knew about it, at least, even if he had no idea how to deal with it yet. Still, he decided to let Lance turn the conversation away. "I need him to come check out Ryou, actually. Poor guy woke up sick this morning. Ken is very upset about it. He's never seen someone get sick before."

"Aww," Lance cooed, half in sympathy and half in fondness. "Poor Ken. Poor Ryou, too. Nothing serious, I hope?"

"I don't think so. Pretty sure it's just a stress fever from overworking himself. Still, better to have Coran take a look. Hopefully some rest and medicine will do the trick."

They went the rest of the way in relative silence, Lance focused on the mission now that he knew the purpose. They found Coran in the engine rooms, as Lance had suspected, and he greeted them cheerfully, then promised to come immediately when Shiro told him the reason they sought him out. He was just going to stop at the infirmary and pick up some equipment. In the meantime, Shiro and Lance headed back for the residential hall, stopping for some supplies along the way.

Ken and Ryou were still on the bed when they returned to Ryou's room, though they had shifted to lean against the wall. Ryou looked barely awake, cheeks flushed and breathing slightly labored. Ken was still cradling him against his shoulder with a hand laid flat against his cheek and a frown on his face.

He perked up when Shiro came in the door, Lance right behind him. "Nii-san! Did you find Coran?"

"Yep, he's on his way." Shiro set down the armful of water pouches he was carrying on Ryou's bedside table, keeping hold of one. He sat on Ryou's other side, opposite Ken, and started getting a pouch ready. "We brought some things."

He nodded at Lance, who was setting the tissues and cold packs he'd grabbed next to the water pouches Shiro had brought. Lance gave Ken a little wave. "Hey, man! Sorry your first full day on the ship started out scary for you. It's not fun seeing your big brother get sick, is it?"

Ken shook his head solemnly. "It really isn't. It's not fun at all."

Lance’s shoulders shook with silent laughter at the earnestness in his voice, even as his expression was completely sympathetic. "I know how you feel. But it'll be okay. We're all going to do everything we can to take care of him. So don't worry."

Shiro nodded and held out the water pouch, now complete with straw, for Ryou to take. "Here, buddy. Can you drink this?"

Ryou sighed heavily, wordlessly objecting to the coddling, but he took the water pouch. His hand trembled, but he was able to hold the straw to his lips and take a drink. Ken watched every move like a hawk, and Shiro didn't doubt that he would reach over to take the pouch for him if Ryou's grip faltered. He was poised to do the same, himself.

Lance gave them all a long, smiling look, a glint in his eye that told Shiro he would take a picture of the three of them if he thought he could get away with it. "Well, I'll go tell the rest of the crew what's going on, okay? I'm sure Hunk will be happy to make something special for your breakfast, Ryou. Do you want soup, or maybe like a fruit smoothie, if your throat is sore?"

Ryou coughed lightly and lowered the water pouch. "A smoothie sounds great, actually. Thank you, Lance, that's very thoughtful."

"Thoughtful is my middle name." Lance gave him a thumbs up and a wink, then took his leave.

Ryou leaned his head back against the wall, glassy eyes still staring at the door he'd gone through. "Lance is such a sweet kid."

Shiro murmured agreement, the conversation he'd just had with Lance heavy on his heart.

"Did I tell you that he tried to go with me when I left to infiltrate Haggar's labs?"

Shiro raised his eyebrows. "I don't think you mentioned that, no. What happened?"

"I was trying to sneak away in the middle of the night, didn't want to confront anyone, I guess, but Lance had figured out that I was leaving and met me in the hangar. He was upset, wanted to go with me. I told him Voltron needed him, but still... He cried and hugged me and made me promise to come back. He always believed that I was...real. Even when I wasn't sure. Even after we found out that I was a clone, he kept telling everyone, including me, that I was a person, I was still Shiro, even if I wasn't the Shiro we'd all thought I was."

"I'm glad he did that for you," Shiro said, leaning his shoulder against Ryou's. "I'm glad somebody, anybody, did that. I guess I'm not surprised to learn that it was Lance who did."

Ryou looked over at Ken, still a little glazed with fever but completely sincere. "I think you should make friends with Lance, too. You should go with him to see the Red Lion. You'll enjoy it, and he really wants to show you a good time."

Ken nodded solemnly. "Okay. I'll do that. I like Lance. He's been very kind to you."

Ryou laughed, phlegm catching in his throat. "Is that the only reason you like him? Because he was nice to me?"

Ken shrugged. "I like him for himself, too. He's funny and fun to be around. But mostly because he was kind to you, yes."

Shiro smiled at them both, and they waited for Coran.


	8. Chapter 8

"So what's the prognosis, doc?" Shiro asked, half joking and half serious.

He was standing against the wall in Ryou's room, Ken pulled up against his side. They watched Coran as he sat at Ryou's bedside, looking at the scanning device in his hand. Ryou was tucked up under the covers again, red cheeks standing out against the pillow, eyes half-shut. Even from here, Shiro could see him shivering, and it made him want to go on a foraging expedition through the entire ship and bring back every blanket he could find. 

He was actually keeping a grip on Ken's arm to stop him from going over there and climbing into bed next to Ryou, as he'd started to do when Coran first had him lay down. Ken was copying the grip, one hand wrapped around Shiro's forearm in an iron hold. It didn't hurt, much, but it felt extremely secure. Neither of them were moving at the moment, unless it was in tandem.

Coran hummed through his mustache, then looked up and gave Shiro a smile. "No worries, Number One, Number One the Second is just a little... How does Lance put it... Under the rain?"

"...Under the weather?" Shiro ventured.

Coran nodded cheerfully. "That's the expression. Weather on your planet must be quite unpleasant."

Shiro's forehead wrinkled. "Not...usually... I mean, it does vary a lot..." He had no idea where that expression had come from, so he couldn't explain it. English was weird, but so was every other language on Earth, so there wasn't much use in protesting it.

"In any case, it's nothing serious as far as I can tell." Coran reached out and gave Ryou's blanket-covered shoulder a sympathetic pat. Ryou blinked at him fuzzily and shivered harder. "He's in for a rough few days, as there's nothing the cryo-replenisher can do for this, I'm afraid. It's not an infection, nothing like that. Just a fragile human body protesting all the hard labor it's been put to."

"I'm not fragile," Ryou protested, but the phlegminess in his voice did nothing to help his cause.

"Of course you aren't," Coran said, in that simultaneously condescending and kind way he sometimes had. "You just wore yourself out with bad sleep and little food and too many horrible experiences until any passing pathogen could get through your defenses, and it's no wonder that one has. We'll give you some painkillers and fever reducers if it gets too uncomfortable, but for now the most important thing is for you to sleep and drink lots of water. And more of Hunk's delicious smoothies." He eyed the half-full cup on Ryou's side table with an envious frown. Ryou's hand jerked under the blanket as if to grab it protectively, but Coran harrumphed and patted his head, knocking down his hair and startling him so much that he subsided.

Coran looked over at Shiro and Ken. "But most importantly of all, _no stress._ This young man needs the most peaceful environment we can manage for as long as we can make it happen."

"We understand," Shiro said solemnly. He knocked his shoulder against Ken's. "We won't make Ryou worry, will we?"

Ken turned to give him a frown. "What does that mean?"

"It means no getting into trouble," Ryou piped up from the bed. "I understand that you like to fight, but maybe find a way to do it that's not too dangerous. So...armor. Shiro, can you take care of that for him? And also, just... Maybe not disappear into another dimension or something. That would be good."

Shiro nodded, his heart aching. He had no intention of putting Ryou through that again.

"Also, make sure the other paladins are okay," Ryou continued, staring at the ceiling. His voice was starting to get raspy, but he seemed to have a lot to say even so. "If there has to be a battle, keep each other safe. In fact, I would rather you didn't go on any missions. Ever. Actually, can you just end the war? That would be the most peaceful thing for me, for sure. No stress ever again. That would be good."

Shiro blew out a breath, half-amused and half-pained. "Sure thing. End the war. I'll get working on that."

Ryou looked at him, his eyes glazed, and it was clear that he was pretty close to losing the plot if he hadn't already. "I wanted to show Ken the stars, but you can do that, right? That would be peaceful. I'll sleep well knowing that you're doing something nice together. You need to bond."

Shiro put an arm around Ken's shoulders. "Bonding. Got it. Not a problem."

Ken leaned into Shiro's side, ducking down so his shoulder fit under Shiro's arm. He seemed to do it instinctively, without thinking. He wanted to be close to someone, and Shiro was offering, so he took it. That was all. So simple. Shiro wondered if he'd ever been so comfortable with casual touch, so quick to lean into it, and he couldn't remember.

Ryou yawned. "Also, your face is stressing me out. Worrying like that. I feel like you want to fuss over me. All day. That's stressful. You should get out."

Ken whined. "You want us to leave?"

Ryou looked over at him, his eyes instantly softening. "Just for a little while, okay? Of course I'll want to see you later. But I'm tired right now, and I want to sleep, but I don't want you to be stuck in here taking care of me. You'll be restless and bored and unhappy, and I don't want that. I want you to have fun with Takashi and go exploring and spend time with the others. I'll be okay, I promise."

Coran hummed and set down a device on the sidetable near the smoothie. It was smooth and round, about the size of an egg, with only a couple of buttons. "Here's a portable comm. If you need anything, just hit that button and someone will come running to bring you water or food or help you to the bathroom or anything else you may need." He held up a twin to the device in his hand. "We'll take it in a rotation to make sure someone is always ready to come. I think Lance might want to take the first shift, actually."

Ryou smiled, soft and genuine. "Lance is a good kid."

"He is." Coran patted his head again. "So are you. Get some sleep."

Ryou was already drifting off. Coran stood up from the bed with a sigh and wandered over to place a hand on Shiro's shoulder. "You see? Everything is fine. Now, I think you should take your brother's very good advice and get out, and take the little one with you." He gave Ken a fond smile.

Ken stared at him without comprehension. Shiro chuckled and squeezed his shoulders. "Will do. Thank you, Coran. Of course, you'll let me know if Ryou gets worse, or if anything else happens?"

"Of course," Coran said. "I wouldn't dream of keeping you in the dark about anything to do with your brothers. We haven't seen yet what your new arm is capable of, and though I'm very curious, I don't want to see it that close."

Shiro laughed and moved out the door, tugging Ken with him.

Ken finally parted from his side so he could look at Shiro's prosthetic arm more closely. "What did Coran mean? Is this arm a weapon, like Ryou's is? I saw it back at the labs when we fought all those enemies. It was really cool. Will you show me what your arm does?"

Shiro hesitated, thinking about Ryou's priorities for their day. He wanted them to get some armor for Ken, look at the stars, and maybe do some assessment of Ken's less combat-centered skills, not head straight to the training deck. Shiro couldn't help feeling tempted, though. It would be fun to blow off steam after the draining morning he'd already had.

But no, defense first. Ken really needed armor.

"I'll be happy to show you later," he said, unconsciously flexing his prosthetic arm as Ken stared at it closely, awe painted over his face. "First, though, let's go to the fabrication room and get you some armor, like Ryou wants. Have you thought about what color you might like?"

Ken made a noise of disappointment, but trotted gamely after Shiro as he led the way in what he was pretty sure was the right direction. "What do you mean, color? Isn't all armor the same?"

Shiro blinked. That was right, Ken hadn't seen all of them in their paladin armor. They'd been wearing casual clothes when he came out of the pod yesterday, and they hadn't had a reason to wear it since then. They hadn't even done any training together yet, and they were in an empty region of space with no battles or distress signals calling their name. 

"Ken..." He didn't even know where to start. "Do you know what Voltron is?"

Ken hummed in thought. "I've heard the word. It's something the higher-ups at the labs were upset about. It sounded like it was an enemy. I hoped I would get to fight it someday."

Shiro nodded heavily. "I think that's what they wanted you for. It might have been why you were made. It was certainly why Ryou was made, though he managed to escape that fate."

Ken stopped walking, and Shiro turned to face him, his heart suddenly sinking in his chest. Ken stood there blankly in the hall, staring at him, his hands limp at his sides.

Shiro realized that they hadn't discussed any of this with Ken, nothing at all. Did he even know that he was a clone? Did he know what a clone was? He accepted everything they told him because he trusted them, or trusted Ryou, at least, and the rest of them by proxy, but would he if he knew?

Ken spoke, and Shiro heard his words as if they came from very, very far away. "I was...made. The Galra at the labs...made me. And Ryou, too."

Ah, that quick mind. Ken needed very few clues to piece the truth together, at least as far as his limited knowledge would take him. Shiro nodded and stepped closer, though he left some space between them. "I think you both remember the holding tubes. The first thing you both saw. A clear tube of pink liquid. That's where you were...made. You're a clone, Ken. A clone of me. And so is Ryou. Do you know what the word 'clone' means?"

Ken nodded numbly. "I'm a copy. Of you. But you said that you're my brother."

"I am," Shiro said fiercely. "You are. We are brothers." Another step, and he pulled Ken into his arms. The kid fell into his embrace without hesitation. "You are more than what you were made to be. You are more than that to Ryou, and you are more than that to me, and to everyone else on this ship. You have a name now, not a number. You are Ken Shirogane, and you are my ototo."

"Voltron," Ken murmured into his shoulder. His entire body was quaking, and his fingers dug into Shiro's back. "Supposed to be my enemy. You are Voltron."

"I'm part of Voltron. The Black Paladin. Many other people in this castle are also paladins: Keith, Hunk, Lance, Allura, Pidge. The lion ships you saw in the hangars form together into one whole, and that is Voltron. But we are not your enemy. We are your friends."

"The Galra made me to fight." Ken's shaking intensified. "They made me to be your enemy." His voice was choked, barely audible.

"I know." Shiro pressed the side of his head against Ken's. "But they can't make you do that, Ken. You are a free person, and you can make your own choices. When Ryou found you in that cell and told you that he was on your side, that was the truth. He is on your side. I am on your side. The Galra created you to be their weapon, but you don't have to be that. You can be whatever you want. And I want you to be my brother."

At last, Ken's trembling began to ease. "I want that too," he whispered. "I want that too. I don't want to be your enemy. I don't want to be Ryou's enemy."

Shiro released a breath, his shoulders suddenly relaxing from the tense hunch they'd leaped into. He squeezed the kid a little tighter. "Good," he said softly. "Good. You are free to make that choice. Thank you. I'm so glad."

Ken rubbed his face against Shiro's shoulder, scrubbing away the tears, then pulled back and looked at him. "Can I see? Can I see Voltron?"

Shiro nodded instantly, then paused when he realized he wasn't sure how to make that happen. "Well, maybe not right this instant. Not in real life. But we have recordings I can show you. Battle footage, that sort of thing." His hand moved down Ken's arm to grab his forearm. "Yeah, that's what we'll do. Forget about the armor for now. Let's go to the bridge, and I'll show you all sorts of stuff. And you can see the stars, too." He laughed, suddenly excited at the prospect. "I have so much to show you, kiddo. So much."

Ken nodded eagerly. "Yes, please. I want to see everything."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this story is back! I'm sorry for the long delay. There are a number of reasons for it. I do want to keep writing this story, though. There's just so MUCH that I want to fix about canon that it gets a little overwhelming, thinking about it.

Shiro's mother used to tell stories about how enamored he'd been with stars as a child. The mobile above his crib had been themed to suit the night sky, with a sun and moon and spinning stars, and he used to stare at it with open-mouthed fascination as it twirled gently above him. Later, his mother had blamed that early influence for his obsession with space, for his desire to leave his world and family behind for fame among the stars. Her voice was bitter, sometimes, when she spoke of it.

Shiro didn't spend a lot of time thinking about the child he had been. It wasn't his nature to look back, neither with regret nor fondness. Forward was more important. Momentum was what he sought. When everything around him tried to hold him back, he just fought even harder to be free.

He thought about it now, though, as he sat cross-legged on the floor of the bridge, watching his brand-new baby brother stare up at the stars. The room-sized hologram floated between them, so Ken's face appeared to be speckled with galaxies and nebulae.

He was so young. His hair was black, no streak of white, his physique slender, though strong. There was a softness in his face despite the harsh reality he had been born into, a softness that no longer lived in the faces of his older brothers. Ken looked like a child, sparkly-eyed with wonder, and now Shiro understood his mother's bitter wish that he had never wanted to leave. He wanted to preserve him like this, always, innocent and awe-struck, a reminder of simpler times.

Shiro didn't want to move on. He didn't want to show Ken footage of Voltron, of battle, of machines of war fighting amongst the same stars and sullying the purity of the light with flashes of energy meant to kill and maim and destroy. Ken had been created to be a weapon, but Shiro wanted a different fate for him. He wanted it so fiercely that it was an ache deep down in his gut, pulling him like the tides.

But it could not last. Ken looked at him with those sparkling eyes, his mouth pulled up in a smile of wonder. "Can I see Voltron now?"

Shiro hesitated, his hand frozen in the space between him. Then he swallowed, forced it down, and touched the holographic control. "Of course. Whatever you want."

He went back to the early days. He skipped that first battle with Sendak's ship, not wanting all of the reminders of later encounters with that same fiend. He found recordings of the first day of relative peace in their new adventure, as the five Earthlings began to learn what it meant to be paladins, what it meant to pilot lions. What it meant to form Voltron.

Ken laughed heartily at the footage of them running around as they fled from Allura's storm of lasers. Shiro smiled, too, watching it. At the time he had only been frustrated and afraid, mostly at his own failings, but now he could see the humor in it. Knowing that they would eventually make it work--that same day, even--made it easier to accept what bumbling fools they had been at the beginning.

When they finally managed to form Voltron, Ken sat up straight with a gasp of pleasure. "Wow, you can fight a _lot_ with a soldier that big!" he said. The delight in his voice was somehow adorable, and Shiro smiled back at him.

"Yep, and that's what we've been doing. Fighting. A lot."

Ken nodded eagerly. "I want to fight, too."

Shiro chuckled, though it was a painful thing that caught at the back of his throat. "You don't have to, though. You could be an engineer, or a diplomat, or a chef, or a computer coder, or a doctor. Lots of things."

Ken nodded easily, like he already knew that. "Sure, whatever."

Shiro huffed, both annoyed and grateful that Ken could treat his own future so casually. It really was like having a headstrong teenager who was much more focused on the here and now than whatever lay ahead. He let that video play out, then searched around in the records of that day and found their first exercise against the gladiator.

"Okay, don't take this fight too seriously. It was our first time together and we weren't very good at it. I just wanted to show you the kind of armor we wear. We all have different colors, see?"

Ken grunted in acknowledgement, his eyes darting back and forth as he watched the fight. It was over quickly, of course, and Ken seemed to visibly refrain from criticizing their techniques. Shiro hid a smile at the sight. 

Ken turned to look at him and gave him a nod. "It's not very good armor. It leaves a lot of vulnerable areas exposed. Unless that black stuff is protective, too?"

Shiro wrinkled his nose. Of course Ken hit the main problem with the paladin armor directly on the nose. Shiro had had the same thoughts when Allura had first shown it to them, but he'd assumed there was some sort of technology at play and held his tongue. And there was some technology in the suit, a lot that was hidden.

Ken's criticism was still valid, though. "To an extent," Shiro said with a bit of reluctance. He'd promised Ryou that he would get some armor for Ken, so he didn't want to trash it too much. "The black material is shock-absorbent, at least. And it protects us from the vacuum and environmental hazards. But you're right, it's not really designed for the battlefield. It's armor meant for piloting, not for taking enemies on in person."

Ken looked troubled. "I'm not a pilot, I'm a fighter. I don't think this armor would be good for me."

"It's manueverable, though. And that's a high priority for you, right? At the very least, it would be a start. We'd feel more comfortable letting you fight the gladiator if you at least have that much protection."

Those were the magic words. "Okay." Ken looked back at the projector, where Shiro had brought up an image of the five humans in their armor. "When can we get a set for me?"

"Today. Right away. We'll just need to get the fabrication equipment set up to make it. I'm sure Hunk or Coran or Pidge can help us. Do you have any thoughts on what color you might like?"

Ken narrowed his eyes thoughtfully and looked back at him. "Does it have to be different from yours?"

Shiro chuckled. Of course Ken would want black, if he could get it. "We prefer everyone to have different colors, yes. It makes it easier to differentiate at a glance in a fight. Plus, I want to you to be your own person, not just a copy of me and Ryou."

Ryou would need new armor, too. Shiro wondered if he'd put any thought into new colors, or if he'd been too overwhelmed to consider it. A lot had happened very quickly to the poor guy. And he wasn't going to ask now, either. Hopefully Ryou was getting lots of good sleep.

"Hmm." Ken rubbed his chin. "I'll think about it. Can I see more videos of Voltron fighting?"

"Yes, of course." Shiro turned back to the data files.

X

He was drowning.

No, not drowning. He was drowned. Buried under the depths of the ocean, in the heart of the sea, with the weight of miles and miles of water crushing him from all sides. He couldn't move, pressed to the sand that formed to fit his body.

No, that wasn't right. It wasn't black here. The bottom of the ocean ought to be dark, he was pretty sure he remembered that. And it ought to be cold. But instead, wherever he was felt warm, almost too warm. Cloying and sticking to his limbs, dragging him down. And the light was...pink...

No, that wasn't right. He wasn't there anymore. That was a memory, all a memory. Long ago and far away. He'd grown past that. It didn't control him. He didn't belong to that anymore. He never had, not really. He just had to convince himself that that was true.

 _Who are you?_ asked a voice in his head. All around him, surrounding him, echoing in the pink, watery fever depths. A female voice, harsh and spiteful. _Who do you think you are?_

"I'm...Shiro..." he started to say. His tongue was thick in his mouth, the syllables clumsy and uneven. Then he stopped, fuzzy with confusion. That wasn't right. He wasn't Shiro. He'd never been Shiro. He'd just thought he was.

"No... I'm Ryou. Ryou Shirogane?"

He hadn't meant it to be a question.

 _Who are you?_ the voice repeated, cold and mocking. _Who are you, who are you, who do you think you are?_

"Ryou," he said. Then louder, more defiant. "Ryou, I'm Ryou! I have two brothers, one older and one younger. I have friends, I have a team, I have _family!_ That's who I am, that's who I think I am!"

_Who do you belong to?_

Ryou halted again, blinking. His eyes felt the same closed or open. "Belong..." He shook it off. "No one." But his voice trembled.

_Who owns you?_

"No one!" he shouted, angry now. "No one owns me! I own myself!" He pounded his chest, but his movements were slow, underwater, lacking strength. What he'd meant to be a harsh strike against his own flesh barely felt like a tap. Barely felt like anything. He doubted that he'd moved at all. His voice shook harder. "I don't belong to you anymore. I never did! You can't own a _person."_

 _Is that what you think you are?_ So cold. So cruel. _You think you're a person?_

"I am," he spat, but his voice sounded childish and fretful to his own ears. It was the mewl of a callow brat, not the defiant statement of a man. "I'm a person, I am, I earned that. I'll earn it again every day if I have to."

 _Are you sure?_ And still the voice did not tell him that he was wrong. It just asked, again and again. It just beat against his confidence and security, wearing it out from under him like a foundation of sand washed away by water. More proof that it had never been that strong to begin with. _If you are a person and you belong to yourself, why don't you move? Why don't you take control and choose where to go?_

"I will." He breathed through clenched teeth and pushed against the heavy weight surrounding him, struggling for purchase. He felt his feet set down on a surface, and he moved one step, then another one.

Still so heavy, so trapped and sluggish. The weight of the ocean bore down on his shoulders, bending his knees and forcing him toward the floor. But he stood up under the weight of it. Trembling, but he stood, and he walked forward.

"I'll prove it," he seethed. "I'll show you. I will. I will."

His voice was barely a whisper. It wasn't a whisper at all. It was only in his own mind. It was a panted breath. It was air against air. It was nothing. He was nothing.

"No. I'll prove it. I'll move forward. I will."

There was a wall. Where it could have come from so far under the ocean, who could have built it and what it was for, Ryou had no way of saying, no way of knowing. But there was a wall, and he leaned on it on his shoulder, letting it take his weight. He panted, sweat pouring down his forehead. He was weak and trembling. He was sick. He should go back to bed, but he didn't know where bed was. Didn't know where his room was. Didn't know where anything was.

Forward. He just had to move forward, that was all.

So he pushed on, step by painful step. The voice no longer echoed in his head. He felt lonely, bereft and abandoned, and he hated that he felt that way. He was a man, his own person. He should be able to stand on his own.

And he did. He was standing. But it hurt. His feet were cold, bare flesh against metal, so cold that they ached, even while the rest of his body burned with fever. The wall against his shoulder seemed to bruise him, but he pushed against it, breathing through clenched teeth. He coughed and felt the vibration, the shattering of it cracking through his body like splintered wood. His throat ached, and his sinuses were clogged and aching.

The world was returning, the ocean receding as his senses came back to him. The air cleared, no longer filled with pink mist. It was transparent. Cool, almost scentless. Stale, a little dry. The air of the castle.

Ryou forced his eyes open and rested against the wall, panting. He was in the castle. He wasn't under the ocean. He wasn't drowned. He'd never drowned. And he wasn't afraid of drowning, anyway. 

He was aware, suddenly, that he was sick. Sick and trembling, pushing almost to the edge of his strength. He'd been sleepwalking, lost in feverish visions that even now left him filled with anxiety and a nauseating rush of rage that swooped in his stomach like an angry bird. There had been a voice in his head. He couldn't remember it now, couldn't remember any words, but he knew he hated it. Hated it with every inch of his being.

Where was he? Ryou lifted his head and looked around. He didn't recognize his surroundings. He wasn't in the hall outside his room, wasn't even in the residential area anymore, or the air wouldn't be so stale and biting.

He was in a corridor, near the end of it. The walls around him were bare and featureless, but about a dozen steps farther down was a door. Ryou groaned deep in his throat. There would probably be a panel by the door. He could use that to call for help. From the shaking in his knees and the pounding of his heart, he knew that he probably wouldn't be able to make it back to his room on his own. He wasn't even sure which way to go down this endless corridor.

He pushed himself off the wall, determined to stand upright, then leaned against it with one hand again. He could walk, he could... Just a little bit farther. He stumbled to the door, almost in a rush, then half-fell against it as his hand slapped the panel.

The door swished open, and there on the other side was a man with purple skin and long white hair. He was sitting at a desk inside a cell, on the other side of a force barrier. He turned to face Ryou at the sound of the door, slowly and regally, one eyebrow raised in a supercilious curl.

Then he smiled. It was slow, smooth, almost predatory. Ryou's breath caught in his throat.

"Why, hello there," Lotor said, all genteel hospitality at greeting his new guest. "What brings you down here, Shiro?"


	10. Chapter 10

Lotor’s smile sharpened. "No, not Shiro, are you. Someone else." His teeth were white and straight and pointed at the ends. "Allura came and told me the news after you had your little celebration earlier. I do believe you must be Ryou. Ryou Shirogane, is that correct?"

Ryou blinked and nodded. He could barely think, holding himself up against the edge of the door. He'd meant to call for help. He didn't think Lotor was the answer. 

Lotor laughed as if this was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "Haggar would throw _such_ a fit if she could see you now. A _clone_ taking its own name. How delicious."

There was something cruel in that tone. Something that reminded Ryou of the voice in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to shake it off, like a dog shaking off water. Shaking off the ocean. "I need... I need..."

"Oh dear." Lotor came closer to the force barrier, though he didn't try to cross it. "You don't look well, Ryou Shirogane. What do you need from me?"

 _Help,_ Ryou started to say, but the word stuck in his throat. He didn't want to ask this man for help. Somehow it seemed like that would be the beginning of the end. The end of what, he couldn't have said.

The silence lengthened. Lotor's eyes narrowed slightly as he looked Ryou up and down. "Why are you here?"

He sounded truly curious, not mocking or manipulative. Ryou blinked and wished very, very hard that he could think straight.

"I didn't... I didn't mean to come here. It was an accident."

Lotor snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. "How do you 'accidentally' descend nearly to the bottom floor of the Castle of Lions, crossing several barriers along the way and making a number of interesting turns? And you also just happened to strike the panel beside the door in such a way as to enter the code to open it?"

Ryou blinked. His tongue felt thick in his mouth. He truly thought he'd been slapping the panel randomly, not entering a code. But now that he thought about it, he couldn't clearly remember what he'd done. Just like he couldn't remember how he'd gotten here.

Lotor moved closer to the barrier, watching Ryou with a steady gaze. "Come here," he said.

It was not a command. It was spoken casually, almost carelessly. As if Lotor didn't mind whether or not Ryou did as asked.

But he found that his feet were moving, nonetheless. He was inside the door, now, standing in front of the cell. It was a cube of force barriers, and inside were a bed, a desk, and a privacy screen hiding the closet-sized facilities. It was not a cruel cell, but neither was it a guest room. Lotor had data pads and exercise equipment to keep him occupied, even a few personal touches like a houseplant and a sculpture in the corner. But he couldn't get out, and he had no way to contact the outside universe. It had to chafe at him, though he bore it surprisingly well.

Ryou swayed. His feet were cold. Only inches separated he and Lotor now. If the force barrier hadn't been there, they could have touched. Shaken hands. Tried to kill each other, even.

Lotor smiled. Again, it was a curious gesture. He tilted his head, graceful and cat-like. "You came." A statement of fact. Nothing more.

Ryou took a step back. "I, I don't know why," he stuttered. 

"I wonder." Lotor's face was thoughtful. "Would you let me out?"

Another casual question, not an order. Ryou gulped and shook his head, though his hand almost jerked toward the controls. No, no, he couldn't. Never. It wasn't safe. Allura would never forgive him.

Lotor tsked. He seemed disappointed, but not surprised. "No, of course. That would be too easy."

Ryou's hands closed into shaky fists, and he stepped further back, until he could lean against the door that had closed behind him. "I'm not here to serve you," he said fiercely. "I don't serve _anyone._ I'm not property. I'm a person."

A ghost of a smile flitted over Lotor's lips. "Of course not. I did wonder how far the witch had gotten in her experiments. You are a very interesting specimen, it's true. And it's very curious that you found yourself coming to me while barely keeping hold of your faculties. Allura told me that she was certain that Haggar had no control over you anymore. Is that true?"

Ryou blinked. So they were speaking about this frankly, were they? He never knew what to expect with Lotor.

He shook his head. "Haggar doesn't have control of me. No. How could she? I flew straight into her secret labs and warehouses and destroyed them all. If she had any influence over me, she would have stopped me."

"But what did you find there?" Lotor asked. "Anything useful? Or just a lot of failed experiments and abandoned tests?"

Ryou's breath shuddered in his lungs. He coughed, harsh and loud, then had to bend double against the wall as his body rode through the fit. It tore at his lungs and gelled up his throat. And all the while, he mind was spinning, spinning over all of the unviable clones he'd found and freed and watched die. In his arms, some of them. Too many of them. 

His mind lit on a spark, and he straightened up and faced Lotor with narrowed eyes, hot breath gushing out between his clenched teeth as he panted. "I found Ken. I brought him home. He's useful. He's _important."_

Lotor looked thoughtful. "That's true. Another interesting anomaly. Still..." He held up one finger for Ryou to wait, then crossed to his desk and picked up a datapad. He brought it back over to the barrier, swiping over it with his finger as he walked, then held it up so Ryou could see the screen. "Here's the list of facilities I gave you and Allura before you went on that noble quest of yours. Did you visit all of them?"

"Of course I did, I went down the list and started at the top, I..."

"Did you?" Lotor leaned closer and tapped the top of the list insistently with his finger. "Allura talked to me, you know. Whenever you'd make a report. She was watching my reactions, making sure I'd been telling the truth. Not that she went into detail, but every few days she'd be down here, watching me with those beautiful eyes and saying, 'Shiro went to the base on Mendis,' or, 'Shiro found the lab in the Karibda Asteroid Belt.' Watching to see if I would smile or frown or look indifferent."

Ryou was having trouble listening to this, for some reason. His eyelids kept fluttering. He wanted to press his hands over his ears.

"I don't remember her mentioning this one, or this one." Lotor's finger moved down the list, elegant and impatient. "Or this one. The top three targets. The ones I put here, at the beginning of the list, to prove my worth as a source of information. The rest were supposed to just be supporting evidence, not the main point. But you didn't go to them, did you?"

"I...I must have..." Ryou's voice wavered.

 _"Look_ where I'm pointing," Lotor half-hissed, his composure fraying. "You're not _looking."_

He sounded like a child demanding attention, fretful and annoyed. It reminded Ryou of Ken, though Ken had never acted remotely like this. He forced his eyes open, and he looked.

His head hurt. "I..." But he had to admit the truth. "No. I didn't go there." He swallowed.

He'd thought the headache was gone. It had been his constant companion for so long. His entire life, it turned out. And when Shiro came through the rift, it had finally lifted for the first time, and Ryou had thought he was free. Some missing piece of him had been returned, some empty place had been filled. He'd thought he would never have to suffer that lonely, silent friction between his ears, behind his eyes, ever again. And now it was back.

Satisfied with the admission, Lotor stood straight and let the datapad lower to his side. "Allura is confident that the witch has no direct control over you, so it must be true. I would trust Allura with my life in any matter regarding quintessence and its effects. But that says nothing about what Haggar might have put in your head to begin with. What kind of controls and restraints. Have you had other times when you were shocked to realize something that should have been obvious, that you should have known all along and somehow didn't?"

Ryou swallowed again. Tears pushed against his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall, not here. He jerked out a nod. "Several." His voice was hoarse. He wanted to cough, but he swallowed hard and didn't let himself double over.

His dizziness increased. It wasn't over. He wasn't free. He wasn't his own person. Haggar still owned him, in a way. Perhaps a small, petty way, but it was enough to make his gorge rise, panic flowing through him like a black wave.

What else had he missed? What else didn't he know that he should know? His fingers twitched with unknown compulsions. The constraints in his head had led him here, to Lotor, when he was out of it with fever and delusional dreams, so Haggar obviously meant for him to serve Lotor. To serve the Galra Empire.

It was too much. He couldn't bear it.

The floor rushed up to meet him. He caught himself on his hands and knees. His stomach convulsed, his mouth opened, and he watched his delicious smoothie splash down on the floor, mixed with the vile scent of stomach fluids. He closed his eyes, heaved, and vomited again.

He could hear Lotor's voice, though not his words. He sounded panicked, disgusted. Ryou didn't blame him. He wanted to run from this room, run from the mess he'd made on the floor and the alien prince who had broken his fragile confidence into pieces, but he was too weak to find his feet.

Lotor's voice changed. It was lower down, closer to the floor. Closer to Ryou. The tone had changed, too. It was firm and soothing, almost gentle. Not exactly kind, but the closest Lotor could manage, presumably. "Ryou. You're all right. You need to pull yourself together. The witch has no control over you. So she did her best to ruin you before you had a chance, so what?" He laughed, bitter, almost absent-minded. "She did the same thing to me. And here I am, locked in a cell, but perfectly in control of my own faculties. You are, as well. We are very much the same, you and I. You'll be all right."

Gradually, Ryou mastered himself. He fell back on his butt and wiped the back of his hand shakily over his mouth. He stared at Lotor, strangely magnetized. "Wh...why are you being nice to me?"

Lotor shrugged. He was crouching on the other side of the force barrier, now, letting his forearms lay over his knees. He looked lazy and tense at the same time. For the first time, it occurred to Ryou that Lotor might not know how to handle this situation, either.

"There is no one in this universe that I hate more than Haggar," Lotor said, with a frankness that was almost chilling. "Even more than my father. Zarkon is a brute, but he's also more than half-mad with the ultimate power he enjoys and its intoxicating effects. Haggar is an intelligent being, and she chooses to be cruel in Zarkon's service. She drives him to worse decisions than the ones he would make on his own, for no reason I can fathom except pure sadism and lust for control. It disgusts me and sickens me.

"But you... You fought Haggar and won, at least to a certain extent. It was not a perfect victory, but you did very well considering your limited resources. You and everyone else on this ship. I suppose you might say that endears you to me. I am not exactly kind, myself, but I find a great deal to admire here. In Allura, Shiro, the other paladins. And you, as well."

Ryou swallowed. He wished he had a glass of water. He wished he could get up and go back to his room. But he sat here on the cold floor, shivering in his pajamas, because he had no other recourse. "Yet you call me 'clone' with such disdain."

Lotor shrugged again, a lithe movement of his entire body. His mouth twisted in distaste. "I do apologize. I can't help my reaction to your...existence, I suppose. You are a creation of Haggar, after all, from toe to tip. It's hard for me to see past that. I am trying, though. As I said, I truly do admire the way you fight her. We might never be friends, but I _would_ like to consider you an ally. And I hope you feel the same."

Ryou nodded slowly. He still felt dizzy and overwhelmed, but the longer he sat here, listening to Lotor's smooth, genteel voice, the calmer he felt. His heart wasn't pounding so hard now, and his breathing had slowed. It was still ragged, aching in his lungs, but he no longer felt like he was drowning.

The door behind him swished open, and Ryou looked to see Allura in the doorway, looking distracted and a little flushed. Her eyes darted around the chamber, then quickly found Ryou. She sagged a bit in relief. "Oh, there you are. Thank the ancients."

Ryou glanced to Lotor in confusion. He smiled and held up his datapad. "I summoned her almost as quickly as you appeared in the room. I'm not permitted to send communications outside the castle, but Allura gave me a direct line to her earpiece in case of emergency."

Allura nodded as she looked Ryou up and down. "He said a sweaty, ill-looking version of Shiro had suddenly appeared in the detention room. I knew it had to be you. Why did you come down here? From what Coran told me, you shouldn't even be stepping foot out of bed, let alone trekking all the way across the castle alone to talk to Lotor."

Ryou's throat felt thick. "I..." He forced himself to his feet, his knees shaking. Allura reached out and wrapped a hand around his elbow. She held him up with no effort at all. It was incredibly reassuring, as well as more than a little embarrassing. Ryou hated showing weakness, but he didn't have a choice. "I didn't mean to. I think...I think I was sleepwalking."

"Were you having bad dreams?" A sympathetic frown crossed Allura's face, and she reached out to touch his forehead. It felt very nice, and Ryou only barely held back from leaning into the touch. 

"I...I had a dream." Ryou hestitated, not sure how to express it. "I think it was bad. I don't really remember. I just felt like I had to move, so I did. And when I woke up, I realized I really had been moving. I'm sorry for the trouble."

Allura shook her head and wove her arm under his shoulders to hold him up. "Don't worry about that. If you had to go sleepwalking, I'm glad you ended up with someone who could call for help." She turned and gave Lotor a smile, sincere and sparkling. "Thank you very much for looking out for my crewmate, Prince Lotor. It is deeply appreciated."

Lotor had risen to his feet to watch their interaction. Now, he gave a slight bow. To Ryou, it seemed equal parts sardonic and sincere. "It is my pleasure to help, Princess. Always."

Allura squeezed Ryou's middle and led him toward the door. "Come now, let's get you back to bed. Shiro will be _most_ displeased if he discovers that his precious little brother has gone missing. To say nothing of the wrath of Ken." She shuddered theatrically.

Ryou chuckled and let himself be led. Already, this strange interlude with Lotor felt like just another dream. He couldn't even remember everything they'd said to each other.

Yet, somehow, he was left with something like a feeling of well-being.


	11. Chapter 11

Allura unconsciously shifted herself slightly larger to support Ryou more easily as they traveled back to his bedroom. Ryou slumped against her side, head down and feet wandering, only heading in the right direction because of her arm around his back leading him. She wanted to just scoop him up her arms, but she knew humans tended to find that embarrassing if they weren't unconscious or seriously injured, so she refrained.

Back in the residential area, they went to the bathroom first so Ryou could get a drink and rinse out his mouth. He held onto the edge of the sink with one hand, swaying on his feet while Allura hovered in the doorway, feeling awkward but unable to leave until she saw him safely into bed.

Allura poured him under the covers, like liquid into a glass, he was so limp and easy to manipulate in her hands. Once he was finally safe, she couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. She smoothed the blanket under his chin, watching his eyes start to drift. Sweat dotted his forehead, and she turned away to the table where Coran had left supplies to look for a cooling strip to apply to his forehead before leaving.

As she started to move, though, Ryou's breath caught in his throat. His hand slipped out from under the covers and snagged at the fabric of sleeve. "Allura..."

His voice was soft and breathy. Allura turned back, eyebrows raising. Ryou's eyes were unfocused and glassy, but he was looking at her face.

"Please don't go."

Allura's heart pinched. He sounded so young, weary and small. And beneath it all was an edge of fear. "Would you like me to call Shiro to come sit with you? I'm sure he'd be glad to keep you company."

Ryou shook his head, rolling limply on the pillow. "No, I... You, please. If it's okay?" He let go of her sleeve suddenly and pulled his hand back under the covers. "I'm sorry, you must be busy. Never mind."

"No." Allura blinked at the strength of her own voice. "No. I'm not too busy to stay with you."

She turned away to the table, unable to look at his soft smile, and found the cooling strips she'd been looking for. She pressed one gently over his forehead and sat on the edge of the bed beside him to watch as his eyes fell half-shut at the coolness.

"Is something bothering you, Ryou?" she dared to ask.

Something vulnerable crossed Ryou's face. He was shockingly open right now, perhaps because the fever had lowered his defenses. He was still shaky and a bit confused. Allura wanted to know just why he had wandered down to visit Lotor's prison, of all places, but she suspected that even he didn't know.

"Allura..." His hand sneaked out from the under the covers again, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket. He couldn't meet her eyes. "Are we friends?"

Allura's heart lurched. "Yes." The answer required no thought. It was the simple truth. "Of course we are."

His eyes flicked to her face for a moment, then away again. "But I'm not..." His throat hitched painfully. "I'm not Shiro. You thought I was Shiro. You were friends with him."

Allura shook her head. "Yes, Shiro earned my friendship in the short time we knew each other before he was taken away from us during that battle. We are still friends, and I hope we will remain so for a long time. But you and I are friends, too. Perhaps we didn't know at the time that you were a different person, but we met and we worked together and we trusted each other. The fact that your name has changed now does not erase the history we have together."

She reached out and grabbed his fidgeting hand, twining their fingers together. Ryou went still, staring down at their joined hands.

"It's true that I had to make some adjustments in my mind when I learned the truth," Allura admitted softly. "So did the rest of us. But it wasn't difficult to do. We already knew you, and we already loved you." She squeezed his hand. "It's understandable that you feel uncertain about your standing, considering the huge shock you've been through. A series of shocks, more like. But please believe that no one else on this ship has ever considered you anything less than a friend."

Ryou gave her a tremulous smile. "Even if... Even if I'm not really Ryou, either?"

Allura frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

His eyes slid away again. "I appreciate you saying that you trusted me, but I don't know if I'm worthy of that trust. I'm not sure...I'm not sure that I fully belong to myself. I want to be my own person, but then things happen that make me think..."

He went silent for a few moments, biting his lip. Then he looked to her face, staring hard. His eyes were burning in their intensity, much like the flush on his cheeks. "Are you _sure_ Haggar has no control over me?"

Allura blinked and sat up straighter on reflex. "I am," she said gravely. "I searched your quintessence with every method I'm aware of. There were no outside threads winding through it. And Pidge and Hunk and all of our technical allies have already studied your arm in every way at our disposal. There are no outside forces working on you, I'm certain of it."

"But what if it's something...baked in? We know now that I'm a clone. A constructed being. Lotor finds me disgusting because I'm a creation of the person he hates more than anyone else in the universe. We don't know what she's capable of. She could have programmed anything into me, constraints, controls..."

"Ryou." She squeezed his hand, and he cut off, swallowing hard. There were tears lurking at the corners of his eyes, and her heart ached fiercely at the sight. "Is this because you sleepwalked down to Lotor's room?"

He nodded. "I don't remember doing it." His voice trembled. "I had a dream, and there was a voice in my head. I think it was Haggar's voice. She told me to move, and I did. And when I realized where I was, I was with Lotor. I think she wants me to help him."

"But you didn't. You didn't let him out or give him any information he shouldn't have, nothing like that."

"I think I wanted to, though. There was this... It was like a twitch. Like my body wanted to move before I made a decision to move. And he told me... Allura." His voice took on a tone of urgency. Allura didn't understand. "I didn't go to all of the places on the list."

Her eyebrows rose. "The list?"

Ryou nodded. "The list of facilities Lotor gave us. I didn't go to some of them. The top three. Why not, Allura? Why wouldn't I go there? I hadn't even realized that I didn't go to those places until Lotor forced me to see it."

That, Allura truly did find troubling. She tried not to let it show on her face. "I thought you had some reason for skipping down the list. I never thought to question it."

Ryou choked on a sob. "That's just the thing, Allura. I never did, either. I didn't even know that I skipped them. I didn't notice. There must be so many other things I didn't notice, too, and I don't even know what they _are."_

He dragged in a breath, trying to find the air to speak. A tear leaked out of his eye. "Haggar... There's something there she didn't want me to find. There must be. And before I escaped... Or they let me go, I'm not sure of that now either... She put something in my head to make me avoid the places Haggar didn't want to me to go. Even the thoughts she didn't want me to think. I'm not...I'm not _free."_ He was sniffling now, tears running down his face. He was just short of full-out bawling. "Maybe I'll never be free."

"Oh, Ryou." Allura used the hand she was still holding to pull him up into a sitting position, then wrapped her arms around him.

Ryou let his head fall limply on her shoulder, hiding his face against her dress. He didn't cry for long. He didn't seem to have the energy for it. In a few ticks he was still in her arms, breathing raggedly but steadily.

"Thank you for telling me," Allura said. Her mind was nearly blank at the moment, but she was truly grateful that Ryou had felt comfortable enough to trust her with this. It must be so terrifying. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to not be able to trust the thoughts in her own head.

He squeezed her, then leaned back to look in her face. His eyes were rimmed with red, but he managed a shaky smile. "Thank you for listening. I...I didn't mean to dump all of that on you so suddenly. Once I started talking it all just sort of poured out."

"It's understandable." Allura leaned forward, lowering him back to the bed, and pulled the covers up under his chin again. His hand snuck out, and she took it again. "It must be very frightening and painful. I wish I could do something to that take away for you."

"You can't, though." His face was troubled, but resigned. "You can't prove that Haggar didn't do something to mess with my mind when she made me. There's too much evidence that she did."

"No, but we might be able to do something to fix it." She reached out and stroked her fingers through his hair. His eyes fluttered shut in reaction, just like the mice would close their eyes when she ran a finger over the top of their heads. She smiled softly at the image of Ryou as a sleepy little mouse, cuddling against her hand. 

"Do you really think so?" His voice was softer, starting to slur as he drifted back toward sleep. "You already checked my quintessence. Is there really something else you can do?"

"There must be. I refuse to let you live in fear like this." Allura sighed and continued running her fingers through his hair. "If only I was able to find a teacher from Altea, or go to Oriande, or... I'm far from an expert in quintessence. I can sense it and understand it, but I haven't learned how to manipulate it, not like Haggar. Not that I would ever do anything remotely like what she has done, if I had her skills. But there used to be Altean alchemists who could use quintessence to heal, even to bring people back from the brink of death. Someone like that would surely be able to undo what Haggar did, whatever it was."

"But you think it's possible?" Ryou's voice was hopeful and wondering, his eyes closed and face turned toward her.

"I know it's possible," Allura said firmly. "And we will find a way to make it happen. I'm just sorry it might not be as quick as we might choose."

"That's good enough for me," Ryou said fuzzily. "Thank you, Allura..."

He was out, drifted off into a pleasant slumber. Allura continued to sit there, holding his hand and petting his hair, until she was certain that he was fully asleep. Then she gently disengaged and sat back, a frown pulling mightly at her face.

She had meant every word she said. Ryou was her friend, as well as her crewmate. And she would not let him live with this pain, not for a tick longer than necessary. She was going to find a way to undo what Haggar had done. It was only right.


End file.
